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Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Hours
Olympics
Lasts
Unfortunately
Last
Doctor
Show
Doctors
Funny
Worse
Torch
Night
Four
Torches
Shows
Call
Burns
Good
Getting
Fever
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
Bush's memoir is 512 pages. To be fair, 200 of those pages are just games and puzzles.
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The whole idea of re-releasing old movies does bother me a little bit. If they're going to re-release an old movie, I should be able to get in with my old ticket.
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It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.
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Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.
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I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
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It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.
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Former president Bill Clinton was elected on this very day in 1992. Clinton went on to leave quite a mark in the oval office... You mean the one on the sofa?
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I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.
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A dozen swimming events have already been completed in the Olympic competition. I wonder where they got the name 'Speedo.' It doesn't sound like a bathing suit, it sounds like a breakfast cereal for meth addicts.
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If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!
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I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.
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It's a great day for America, everybody! It's Monday, woo.
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I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.
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If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.
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Betty White met with President Obama at the White House. President Obama invited Betty personally because she's great with animals. And the president's still having a tough time house-training Joe Biden.
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There is a new survey out about the happiest professions. I think the whole premise is flawed. You're supposed to find true happiness outside of work. From friends, family, and YouTube videos of old people falling down.
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Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.
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I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living.
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There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.
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Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.
Craig Ferguson