Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Halloween's eve is also known as mischief night. Kids are supposed go around playing pranks tonight. That's great, just what teenagers need -- another excuse to be jerks.
Craig Ferguson
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Another
Halloween
Kids
Teenager
Around
Tonight
Also
Excuse
Jerks
Need
Supposed
Pranks
Great
Playing
Teenagers
Needs
Known
Jerk
Night
Mischief
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.
Craig Ferguson
A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?
Craig Ferguson
CBS announced they're canceling As The World Turns. Don't worry though, if you're addicted to the twisted plots, the intrigue, the illicit sex, you can still watch golf.
Craig Ferguson
There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.
Craig Ferguson
If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!
Craig Ferguson
World War Z is out today. The big zombie movie. The trailer looks scary. You see hordes of bodies climbing and rolling over each other. It's like Black Friday at the mall.
Craig Ferguson
Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.
Craig Ferguson
Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.
Craig Ferguson
In Washington, the U.S. House passed a bill unanimously. Every single member of both parties voted for it. What was it? To deny Social Security benefits to Nazis. So from now on, no SS for the SS.
Craig Ferguson
Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.
Craig Ferguson
He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.
Craig Ferguson
Things were very different back in 1992. There was unrest in the Middle East, we had a gridlocked Congress, and everybody was talking about Bill Cosby.
Craig Ferguson
This story is true. Of course, there are many lies therein and most of it did not happen, but it's all true. In that sense it is deeply religious, perhaps even biblical.
Craig Ferguson
Santa blows all these shipping companies away. He delivers more than 2 billion packages in just 24 hours. He does it by sleigh. He doesn't use tracking numbers and doesn't use trucks. He just uses midgets and a giant bag.
Craig Ferguson
Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other tofu-shaped boxes filled with bean curd. Then they fantasize about what their Pilates instructor would be like if he was straight.
Craig Ferguson
I have a deep and profound mistrust of all politicians.
Craig Ferguson
A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.
Craig Ferguson
These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.
Craig Ferguson
They've found a link between chemicals in shampoo and obesity. If you're eating shampoo, your weight is the least of your concerns.
Craig Ferguson
I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.
Craig Ferguson
