Quote

The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Matter
Except
Dwarves
Looks
Teach
Queen
Important
Beauty
Teaches
Help
Queens
White
Lesson
Helping
Snow
Kids
Matters
Banishes
Nothing
Lessons
Smitten

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In some countries Women's Day is a national holiday and men give women flowers. In America Women's Day falls on another holiday, Mardi Gras, where men give women beads in the respectful and post-feminist desire to see their naked boobies.
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From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?
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There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.
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Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.
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I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.
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Welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys.
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Being the executive producer of a film is not that difficult. It just means that you have some power. There's not a huge amount of skill involved, I don't know how much I'm giving away here. I feel like that guy on Fox, giving away the magicians' tricks. It's not rocket science, being an executive producer of a film.
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It was on this day that the Bahamas declared independence. Before that they were a British colony. The British Empire lost Canada and the Bahamas, to name just a couple. Britain's been dumped more times than Taylor Swift. But did they go writing whining songs about it? No.
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New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.
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Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?
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Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.
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The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.
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Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.
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