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I wanted to be a rock star.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Rock
Rocks
Stars
Wanted
Star
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck.
Craig Ferguson
I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.
Craig Ferguson
It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.
Craig Ferguson
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.
Craig Ferguson
I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it
Craig Ferguson
Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people.
Craig Ferguson
Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.
Craig Ferguson
Whether I or anyone else accepted the concept of alcoholism as a disease didn't matter what mattered was that when treated as a disease, those who suffered from it were most likely to recover.
Craig Ferguson
Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.
Craig Ferguson
Climate change is a serious problem. We all need to do what we can. Unless that means I've got to change stuff. Then I'm not doing it.
Craig Ferguson
I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.
Craig Ferguson
Former president Bill Clinton was elected on this very day in 1992. Clinton went on to leave quite a mark in the oval office... You mean the one on the sofa?
Craig Ferguson
Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?
Craig Ferguson
The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
Craig Ferguson
President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.
Craig Ferguson
The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money to buy 30 seconds during 'Spongebob Squarepants.'
Craig Ferguson
If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.
Craig Ferguson
The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie Argo. They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal of their country. You can't do that! That would be like Scotland suing over the movie Shrek.
Craig Ferguson
I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.
Craig Ferguson
I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.
Craig Ferguson