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When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Stopped
Drinking
Stop
Dies
Thought
Going
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.
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I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.
Craig Ferguson
A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?
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Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.
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Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.
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Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.
Craig Ferguson
I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.
Craig Ferguson
114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.
Craig Ferguson
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
Craig Ferguson
If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.
Craig Ferguson
The sexy magazine in Britain in that time was called Club International. Club International: It was about as international as the International House of Pancakes. It should have been called Naked Cockney Girls with Scurvy.
Craig Ferguson
This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it
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I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.
Craig Ferguson
Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.
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If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!
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Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.
Craig Ferguson
Don't hit women. Never, ever, ever.
Craig Ferguson
For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable.
Craig Ferguson
I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.
Craig Ferguson
I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.
Craig Ferguson
