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Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed the bill years ago.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Care
Bill
Country
Upset
Years
Democrat
Would
Bills
Health
Rush
Leave
Passes
Says
Democrats
Knew
Passed
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.
Craig Ferguson
On that same tour we ran into a band at Aylesbury Friars, a biggish venue in Oxfordshire, England. They were a four-piece from Ireland called U2. They seemed like nice fellows and they sounded pretty good, but we didn’t keep in touch. They’re probably taxi drivers and accountants by now.
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The sexy magazine in Britain in that time was called Club International. Club International: It was about as international as the International House of Pancakes. It should have been called Naked Cockney Girls with Scurvy.
Craig Ferguson
Osama bin Laden's death has been in the news all day. Leftish stations are going, 'President Obama saves the world.' Stations on the right are going, 'Obama kills fellow Muslim.'
Craig Ferguson
There are plans for a new high-speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It will make the trip time 30 minutes. People in L.A. are like, Yes! And people in San Francisco are like, Yeah, sure, great. We look forward to seeing you.
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A woman in Germany gave birth to a 13 1/2 pound baby. That baby was so fat his first word was strudel.
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If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'
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I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.
Craig Ferguson
Former president Bill Clinton was elected on this very day in 1992. Clinton went on to leave quite a mark in the oval office... You mean the one on the sofa?
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Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.
Craig Ferguson
I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.
Craig Ferguson
Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012
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Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Craig Ferguson
Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it's time to 'you know, legalize it, tax it, and keep it away from Mel Gibson.'
Craig Ferguson
By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!
Craig Ferguson
Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other tofu-shaped boxes filled with bean curd. Then they fantasize about what their Pilates instructor would be like if he was straight.
Craig Ferguson
I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.
Craig Ferguson
A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn't figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.
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Every year there's a jury at the Cannes Film Festival. Getting on the jury is very competitive in France. Not because the French love cinema, but because they love to judge.
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Ocean's 13 is all about cool people having a good time, and who doesn't want to see that? Well you, apparantly, 'cause you're watching me.
Craig Ferguson