Quote

Betty White met with President Obama at the White House. President Obama invited Betty personally because she's great with animals. And the president's still having a tough time house-training Joe Biden.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
White
Invited
President
Personally
House
Mets
Stills
Obama
Still
Animals
Great
Training
Time
Tough
Betty
Animal
Biden

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If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'
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Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.
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I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.
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It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?
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Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.
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There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.
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The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
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Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'
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I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.
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The most popular Valentine's Day gift is chocolate. In the 1800's, doctors told their patients to eat chocolate to get over a broken heart. They also thought if you're going to be alone, who cares if you get fat.
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Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.
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He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.
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A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress.
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I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
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I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.
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Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?
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I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it
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I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
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114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.
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I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer -- I'm a dragon irritater.
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