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Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Loud
Delaware
Democrat
Christine
East
Biden
Calling
Sarah
Woman
Palin
Really
Unstable
Emotionally
Democrats
Donnell

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It's just a pitch that you missed, and you'd better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot heard round the world. My son and I are Americans, we prepare for glory by failing until we don't.
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Italian women are some of the most beautiful in the world. This is why the Vatican is in Italy. If a man can walk across Italy and retain his celibacy, he's got what it takes to be a priest - or an interior decorator.
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A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?
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Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.
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The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
Craig Ferguson
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The nation of Iran is threatening to sue the makers of the movie Argo. They say the movie was an unrealistic portrayal of their country. You can't do that! That would be like Scotland suing over the movie Shrek.
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CBS announced they're canceling As The World Turns. Don't worry though, if you're addicted to the twisted plots, the intrigue, the illicit sex, you can still watch golf.
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I had lived in fear of the fabled terrifying visions that assail chronic drinkers, but which had not yet attacked me.
Craig Ferguson
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Oprah's quitting in 2011. Now we know why the Mayans ended their calendar in 2012
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People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.
Craig Ferguson
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I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.
Craig Ferguson
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The term Big Brother is from George Orwell's book 1984 - where everyone's watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I've never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn't that more like Creepy Uncle?
Craig Ferguson
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I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you.
Craig Ferguson
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Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.
Craig Ferguson
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People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.
Craig Ferguson
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You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.
Craig Ferguson
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I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.
Craig Ferguson
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Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of what if when meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized.
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I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.
Craig Ferguson
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I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.
Craig Ferguson