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You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Concerned
Worry
Stuff
Money
Whole
Life
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus.
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I wanted to be a rock star.
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If it doesn't work, at least it will be an interesting train wreck.
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You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.
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The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.
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Here's a tip for all you aspiring young comics: Don't beat up the customers. It is very difficult to get laughs from an audience when you've actually drawn blood from one of their number. It kills the mood.
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I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school.
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A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it.
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I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.
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If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.
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I remember talking to someone early on after I was sober about how I suddenly felt awkward at parties. They said, 'Well, you're supposed to. Everyone feels awkward at parties.' It's an appropriate feeling to feel.
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I hated the summer jobs I had when I was a teenager. They were so mundane and repetitious, they deadened my soul. On the bright side, it was good training for this job.
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I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.
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I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available.
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Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.
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I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.
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If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!
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Here at CBS, spring also means March Madness. I love the name March Madness. I'm glad the PC police haven't made us change March Madness to early spring psychosis.
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Sometimes my pathology just spills out into the camera doesn't it?
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Aphrodisiacs come in many forms: food, drink, the internet.
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