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You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Concerned
Worry
Stuff
Money
Whole
Life

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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I don't think of myself of a late-show host any more than I think of myself of a game-show host. I mean, I've done both, I've been an actor. I'm just kind of a carny, that's it.
Craig Ferguson
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Jeb Bush announced today on the Internet that he may run for president. The next presidential election could be Bush vs. Clinton. It will be like 1992 all over again except I won't be in rehab.
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A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn't figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.
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Tomorrow's just your future yesterday.
Craig Ferguson
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It seemed that I performed better sober than drunk. Who knew?
Craig Ferguson
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Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.
Craig Ferguson
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That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.
Craig Ferguson
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I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck.
Craig Ferguson
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I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.
Craig Ferguson
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Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.
Craig Ferguson
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I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it
Craig Ferguson
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If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'
Craig Ferguson
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It is Veterans Day, when we honor everyone who served in all of the campaigns. We honor them with dignity and respect, and of course mattress sales and tire discounts.
Craig Ferguson
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Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.
Craig Ferguson
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I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.
Craig Ferguson
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There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.
Craig Ferguson
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A new survey says one in three adults will be dressing up for Halloween. As for me, I'm not going to do anything. I'm going as Congress.
Craig Ferguson
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Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.
Craig Ferguson
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The 3-D effects in Star Wars are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
Craig Ferguson
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President Obama announced his re-election campaign, though it’s not really a surprise. He did all the things that make it official: He filed the paperwork, redesigned his website, and printed another fake birth certificate.
Craig Ferguson