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From this moment on I'd dedicate my life to rock and roll and take as many drugs as possible. What could possibly go wrong?

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Possible
Wrong
Dedicate
Moment
Roll
Moments
Drugs
Take
Possibly
Many
Rock
Life
Drug
Rocks

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If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.
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Apple released the upgraded version of the iPhone 4, called the iPhone 4S. I think the S stands for suckers.
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Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Facebook is exactly like that except you're not really famous and your 15 minutes goes on forever.
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Here in California, we passed a law against texting while driving. But there's no law preventing you from writing a letter while driving.
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Rush Limbaugh says if the health care bill passes, he will leave the country. The Democrats are upset, because if they knew that, they would have passed the bill years ago.
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Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?
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You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.
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My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus.
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I'm not aware of having a creepy laugh, but apparently I do.
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The most popular Valentine's Day gift is chocolate. In the 1800's, doctors told their patients to eat chocolate to get over a broken heart. They also thought if you're going to be alone, who cares if you get fat.
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Much of television has been homogenized in the desire to avoid annoying or upsetting people.
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Oh Satan you're a wily one.
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A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn't figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.
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I dont know how to add things to my own wikipedia page.
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I come from a very critical culture. You know the Scots. They're always saying: 'Oh, no. It will never work. You'll never amount to anything. You've got to know your place in the world.
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Larry King has been married more times than Henry the Eighth. We used to have that rhyme to keep track of them. 'Divorced, beheaded, died. Divorced, beheaded, survived.' With Larry I think it goes, 'Divorced, beheaded, divorced, escaped. Zombie, lesbian, disappeared, inflatable.
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If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.
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I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
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