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Harry Potter, he sends a message on Owl Mail while us poor old muggles have to make do with instantaneous emails and texting. Oh, if only we could be like you Harry Potter, with your four day owl delivery!

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Make
Sends
Like
Email
Muggles
Harry
Owl
Mail
Instantaneous
Message
Texting
Messages
Potter
Four
Potters
Poor
Delivery

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.
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Sometimes people think you’re smart if you question the status quo, if nothing else.
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Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
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Anyway, if you needed something really dangerous, get a gun. It's easy, it's cheap, and it's the American way.
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If you know anything about me - and, if you do, I'm sorry that your life turned out like that.
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Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.
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I wanted to be a rock star.
Craig Ferguson
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The most popular Valentine's Day gift is chocolate. In the 1800's, doctors told their patients to eat chocolate to get over a broken heart. They also thought if you're going to be alone, who cares if you get fat.
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The first ads for medical marijuana have started airing on television in California. The ads are quite expensive. It costs a lot of money to buy 30 seconds during 'Spongebob Squarepants.'
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I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available.
Craig Ferguson
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My son's always showing me pictures of dinosaurs and asking me what their names are. I dont know so I make stuff up: That son is a thesaurus.
Craig Ferguson
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Ratings experts say the best way to get people to watch during sweeps is to leave the audience with a question that won't be answered until the next time the show is on. You know, like Who shot J.R.? I like to think I do this every night - the question is, Is this show still on?
Craig Ferguson
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There are plans for a new high-speed train between Los Angeles and San Francisco. It will make the trip time 30 minutes. People in L.A. are like, Yes! And people in San Francisco are like, Yeah, sure, great. We look forward to seeing you.
Craig Ferguson
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Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.
Craig Ferguson
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The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.
Craig Ferguson
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In the past I've been hard on the vegans. I've called them Prius-driving fascists, but now I am one of them. I have been turned to the dark side.
Craig Ferguson
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The whole idea of re-releasing old movies does bother me a little bit. If they're going to re-release an old movie, I should be able to get in with my old ticket.
Craig Ferguson
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It's Earth Day today. Let me tell you something about polar bears. They're endangered but you have to be careful because a polar bear is one of the few animals that will stalk a human. If you go to where polar bears live, it might stalk you and when you're on the plane going home, it might be behind you reading.
Craig Ferguson
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Justin Bieber's tour bus was stopped by Canadian border patrol agents. And they found marijuana. The agents said Bieber was a disgrace to Canada and should never come back. Then they found the marijuana.
Craig Ferguson
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Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?
Craig Ferguson