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I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Knew
Dies
Become
Right
Partially
Whoever
Bars
Christmas
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
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Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain.
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You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.
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I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I'm lost.
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The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
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The views expressed by Me are in no way endorsed by CBS any of its allied companies or in fact Me.
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The first day of spring is known as the vernal equinox. The equinox is special. It only happens twice a year, like a good night in ratings for NBC.
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Gas prices - it is $6 a gallon here. People in L.A. are furious. You can't tell, of course, because of the Botox.
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Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.
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Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other tofu-shaped boxes filled with bean curd. Then they fantasize about what their Pilates instructor would be like if he was straight.
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Aphrodisiacs come in many forms: food, drink, the internet.
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You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.
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I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it.
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Technically my dog's naked most of the time. Except halloween, when I dress him up as Liza Minelli.
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I think comedy as an art involves the audience as a participant as much as is involves the artist.
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Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.
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I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.
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I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.
Craig Ferguson
I would prefer as a viewer to watch the mistakes. I am my own blooper reel, as it happens.
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Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.
Craig Ferguson
