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Oh Satan you're a wily one.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Wily
Satan

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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I don't think of myself of a late-show host any more than I think of myself of a game-show host. I mean, I've done both, I've been an actor. I'm just kind of a carny, that's it.
Craig Ferguson
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You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.
Craig Ferguson
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An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
Craig Ferguson
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I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.
Craig Ferguson
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This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it
Craig Ferguson
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It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably quit after a year.
Craig Ferguson
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Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Craig Ferguson
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I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
Craig Ferguson
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Every day I ran to that book like it was a bottle of whiskey and crawled inside because it was a world that I had at least some control over, and slowly, in time, it began to take shape.
Craig Ferguson
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Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain.
Craig Ferguson
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I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.
Craig Ferguson
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I would prefer as a viewer to watch the mistakes. I am my own blooper reel, as it happens.
Craig Ferguson
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He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.
Craig Ferguson
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I'm so excited about the new iPad, I just iPeed my iPants.
Craig Ferguson
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Donald Trump showed his birth certificate to reporters. Who cares about his birth certificate? I want to know if that thing on his head has had its vaccinations.
Craig Ferguson
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There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on.
Craig Ferguson
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These days, teachers have it rough. Kids can be hyperactive, disobedient, and obnoxious. It must feel like being locked in a room of drunk midgets.
Craig Ferguson
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114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.
Craig Ferguson
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Don't hit women. Never, ever, ever.
Craig Ferguson
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You should never protest outside a rich guy's home during the day because he's not there. He's at work grinding the faces of the poor.
Craig Ferguson