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You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Blaming
Warming
Fats
Global
Blame
True
People

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I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.
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In the past I've been hard on the vegans. I've called them Prius-driving fascists, but now I am one of them. I have been turned to the dark side.
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A new restaurant here in Southern California requires women to wear high heels. I'm outraged! This is sexist! Why just the women?
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It was on this day that the Bahamas declared independence. Before that they were a British colony. The British Empire lost Canada and the Bahamas, to name just a couple. Britain's been dumped more times than Taylor Swift. But did they go writing whining songs about it? No.
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114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.
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She still cared for me, and the best way I could make amends to her was to be happy. I do have a knack for finding great women.
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I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.
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The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
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What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!
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The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
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You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.
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Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.
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Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.
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People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.
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I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny.
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A casino in South Dakota was robbed by a man dressed as a mummy. The police described the suspect as anywhere between 25 and 8,000 years old.
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Things were very different back in 1992. There was unrest in the Middle East, we had a gridlocked Congress, and everybody was talking about Bill Cosby.
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Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.
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Betty White met with President Obama at the White House. President Obama invited Betty personally because she's great with animals. And the president's still having a tough time house-training Joe Biden.
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An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
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