Quote

114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104.

Craig Ferguson

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Used

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

Image
I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.
Craig Ferguson
Image
I don't see my show as a stepping stone to something else like some people, who get a job then have a foot out the door looking for their next job.
Craig Ferguson
Image
For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable.
Craig Ferguson
Image
Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Craig Ferguson
Image
Today Prince William went to Washington, D.C., and he met with President Obama. He said, 'It feels weird being in the White House because I'm not an American.' And then Prince William said, 'Yeah, me too.'
Craig Ferguson
Image
You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.
Craig Ferguson
Image
Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people.
Craig Ferguson
Image
There is a scene in the movie where Astrid and Hiccup fly on Toothless's back toward the island of Berk. The animation is intensely real, from the waves on the sea to wisps of wind blowing in the characters' hair. The feeling I get watching that scene is why I fly - just for that feeling.
Craig Ferguson
Image
Thank heaven Election Day is over. No more campaign ads, no more mud-slinging, no more candidates pretending they're straight. It's over!
Craig Ferguson
Image
You know who sang at Rush Limbaugh's wedding? Elton John! According to Rush, gay people can sing at weddings. Just not their own.
Craig Ferguson
Image
I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice.
Craig Ferguson
Image
That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil.
Craig Ferguson
Image
It takes a long time to become a lawyer because you need three things - a bachelor's degree, a law degree, and a desire to worship Satan.
Craig Ferguson
Image
If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.
Craig Ferguson
Image
I'm a vulgar lounge entertainer, I don't need to wear a tie.
Craig Ferguson
Image
There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.
Craig Ferguson
Image
The 3-D effects in Star Wars are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
Craig Ferguson
Image
Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.
Craig Ferguson
Image
The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
Craig Ferguson
Image
I hated the summer jobs I had when I was a teenager. They were so mundane and repetitious, they deadened my soul. On the bright side, it was good training for this job.
Craig Ferguson