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There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Daddy
Commercial
Suits
Keeps
Excited
Coming
Break

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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Stoners just got a powerful new ally in the fight to legalize marijuana - conservative broadcaster Pat Robertson. He said it's time to 'you know, legalize it, tax it, and keep it away from Mel Gibson.'
Craig Ferguson
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I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.
Craig Ferguson
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Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.
Craig Ferguson
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I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a development deal with Disney, not for a lot of money, but it allowed me to make the move.
Craig Ferguson
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I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.
Craig Ferguson
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If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.
Craig Ferguson
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The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks.
Craig Ferguson
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Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people.
Craig Ferguson
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I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.
Craig Ferguson
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I don't want to be poor. I don't want to be rich to the extent that all I care about is keeping my job. I don't care enough about keeping my job right now. That's good. That makes effective at what I do. I don't want to be frightened of getting fired. So to that end I suppose my ambitions are that I spend less than I earn.
Craig Ferguson
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Last night on the show I had Olympics fever. Unfortunately, it's getting worse. That's not good. I have to call my doctor if my torch burns for more than four hours.
Craig Ferguson
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Things were very different back in 1992. There was unrest in the Middle East, we had a gridlocked Congress, and everybody was talking about Bill Cosby.
Craig Ferguson
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The 3-D effects in Star Wars are so realistic, you can actually see George Lucas reaching from the screen and taking the money from your wallet.
Craig Ferguson
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What we do have is nothin' but time. Welcome to the Shawshank Redemption of late night!
Craig Ferguson
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They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.
Craig Ferguson
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The most popular Valentine's Day gift is chocolate. In the 1800's, doctors told their patients to eat chocolate to get over a broken heart. They also thought if you're going to be alone, who cares if you get fat.
Craig Ferguson
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I think I'll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn't I be a goofy Glaswegian?
Craig Ferguson
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Tomorrow is your future's yesterday.
Craig Ferguson
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The devil is not abroad at night in the form of a cat or a wolf or any other animal. He lives eternally in the hearts of men.
Craig Ferguson
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This book could scare them. The sex, the violence, the dream sequences and the iconoclasm - I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with that. I understand that. It was very uncomfortable to write some of it
Craig Ferguson