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I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman.
Craig Ferguson
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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Though
Funny
Assures
Father
Postman
Really
Scottish
Son
Started
Bits
Looking
More quotes by Craig Ferguson
The term Big Brother is from George Orwell's book 1984 - where everyone's watched over by a network of cameras called Big Brother. I've never understood why Orwell chose that phrase for somebody watching you all the time. Isn't that more like Creepy Uncle?
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You know who they're blaming for global warming now? This is true. Fat people.
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The Smurfs 2 is a great movie. The Smurfs are tiny little creatures that everybody loves. They're like Justin Bieber - minus the part about everybody loving him.
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Former president Bill Clinton was elected on this very day in 1992. Clinton went on to leave quite a mark in the oval office... You mean the one on the sofa?
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Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people.
Craig Ferguson
I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.
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Some people watching CNN were so shocked they started rioting. No, I'm kidding. No one watches CNN.
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CBS announced they're canceling As The World Turns. Don't worry though, if you're addicted to the twisted plots, the intrigue, the illicit sex, you can still watch golf.
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If you're frightened of leprechauns, the best thing to do is to get yourself a little leprechaun outfit and see how big they are. And then you'll go, 'Well I see. That's like bein' frightened of a hampster.'
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Being guilty tends to engender feelings of guilt.
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I always wanted to make motion pictures, ever since I was a wee boy, and I was 32, and time was marching on. I met a guy who said, 'Come out to Hollywood for 10 days, and I'll get you a deal.' So I figured, 'OK, 10 days.' On the 10th day, he got me a development deal with Disney, not for a lot of money, but it allowed me to make the move.
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Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.
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Al Qaeda has declared war on the Somali pirates. That is awesome! Evil against evil. Like Alien versus Predator or Cheney versus his lawyer.
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I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.
Craig Ferguson
Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck.
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I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves.
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Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.
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I would prefer as a viewer to watch the mistakes. I am my own blooper reel, as it happens.
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If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in.
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Andy Warhol said that in the future everyone will be famous for 15 minutes. Facebook is exactly like that except you're not really famous and your 15 minutes goes on forever.
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