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I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Town
Towns
Keeps
Jobs
Kids
Young
Right
Suits

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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There are rumors that there is a John Edwards sex tape. People say it's twenty minutes of Edwards caressing and stroking...And that's just the part where he fixes his hair.
Craig Ferguson
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I've been running my whole life. Running into bars, running around the world. But when you have a child, you can't run. That was a revelation.
Craig Ferguson
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Ros was dead. He had loved heroin more than it loved him. I was shocked beyond imagining he was the first of my friends to fall.
Craig Ferguson
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Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.
Craig Ferguson
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People spend thousands of dollars trying to keep their teeth straight. I just hope we can live in a world where we accept gay teeth.
Craig Ferguson
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There's a commercial break coming and I'm very excited about it and you know why? Because that's what keeps daddy in suits.
Craig Ferguson
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It's a great day for America, everybody! It's Monday, woo.
Craig Ferguson
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Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain.
Craig Ferguson
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Harry Potter, he sends a message on Owl Mail while us poor old muggles have to make do with instantaneous emails and texting. Oh, if only we could be like you Harry Potter, with your four day owl delivery!
Craig Ferguson
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He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No wonder the churches called them sheep. They were woolly-headed pack animals being herded around for the benefit of whoever knew how to control the dogs.
Craig Ferguson
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Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!'
Craig Ferguson
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I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves.
Craig Ferguson
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Everything I think of now is too rude to actually say.
Craig Ferguson
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I think I'll be Scottish in every movie I write. They always try to talk me out of it, but Woody Allen is always a nebbish New Yorker. Why shouldn't I be a goofy Glaswegian?
Craig Ferguson
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New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.
Craig Ferguson
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A junkie will steal your purse, and then help you look for it.
Craig Ferguson
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People talk to old people like they're children.'Oh you're very old aren't you?' Yeah I'm old. I'm not stupid.
Craig Ferguson
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I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.
Craig Ferguson
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Remember the band, Flock of Seagulls? They had their van stolen. I was like, They still have a van?
Craig Ferguson
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I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think.
Craig Ferguson