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Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

Craig Ferguson

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Craig Ferguson
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: May 17
Aircraft Pilot
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Novelist
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Glasgow
Scotland
Long
Moon
Something
Saws
Time
Probably
Since
Child
American
Wanted
Children
Landing

More quotes by Craig Ferguson

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There is a new bill in the Senate that is upsetting a lot of people. This bill would give the President the power to shut off the Internet. Al Gore is strongly opposed to it. Not because he invented the Internet. Because he did. But because he just signed up for Match.com.
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An 83-year-old male prostitute was arrested. Police say he only charged $20 an hour, but for most of that time, he just talked about his grandkids.
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Love at first sight is not rare, in fact it is extremely common, it happens to some people a few times a year. The feeling of what if when meeting the eyes of a stranger can be love unrecognized.
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The three drunkest cities in America: Fresno, Riverside, and whatever Mel Gibson is driving through.
Craig Ferguson
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I wanted to be a rock star.
Craig Ferguson
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Delaware Senate candidate Christine O'Donnell said recently that Hollywood needs to re-evaluate what they're doing because movies these days are all filled with gay sex and extramarital affairs. And I thought, 'Have fun in Congress then.
Craig Ferguson
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Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Craig Ferguson
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Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah.
Craig Ferguson
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I view my own body as a petting zoo. I am the main attraction... And the only customer.
Craig Ferguson
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Here's a tip for all you aspiring young comics: Don't beat up the customers. It is very difficult to get laughs from an audience when you've actually drawn blood from one of their number. It kills the mood.
Craig Ferguson
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Things were very different back in 1992. There was unrest in the Middle East, we had a gridlocked Congress, and everybody was talking about Bill Cosby.
Craig Ferguson
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The most popular Valentine's Day gift is chocolate. In the 1800's, doctors told their patients to eat chocolate to get over a broken heart. They also thought if you're going to be alone, who cares if you get fat.
Craig Ferguson
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I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.
Craig Ferguson
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I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves.
Craig Ferguson
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I knew that I had been partially right in the storeroom above the bar on Christmas Day. Whoever I had become had to die.
Craig Ferguson
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New iPod. It looks like an iPhone but it can't make phone calls. So its really just an iPhone.
Craig Ferguson
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Valentine's Day is celebrated a little differently here in L.A. Nobody eats chocolate because of the calories, so people give each other tofu-shaped boxes filled with bean curd. Then they fantasize about what their Pilates instructor would be like if he was straight.
Craig Ferguson
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I said that the only way I could have a band that would work in the format of my show is if the band were crap. So if I have a band they'd have to really suck.
Craig Ferguson
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They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel.
Craig Ferguson
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I don't know much about the Supreme Court. If it's anything like the Supreme Taco, it's like a regular court, but with extra sour cream.
Craig Ferguson