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Self improvement is masturbation.

Chuck Palahniuk

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Chuck Palahniuk
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: February 21
Essayist
Journalist
Novelist
Science Fiction Writer
Screenwriter
Writer
Pasco
Washington
Charles Michael Chuck Palahniuk
Masturbation
Improving
Cynical
Improvement
Development
Self
Betterment

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Without animals, there would be no humanity. In a world of just people, people will mean nothing . . .
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These flowers will be rotten in a couple hours. Birds will crap on them. The smoke here will make them stink, and tomorrow a bulldozer will probably run over them, but for right now they are so beautiful.
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The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage.
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Now this is the first rule of fight club: There is nothing a blue collar Nobody in Oregon with a public school education can imagine that a million-billion people haven't already done.
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Every woman is just a different kind of problem.
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This is the greatest momemt of your life and your out missing it
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Deliver me from Swedish furniture. Deliver me from clever art. And the phone rang and Tyler answered. If you don't know what you want, the doorman said, you end up with a lot you don't. May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. Deliver me, Tyler, from being perfect and complete.
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There are only patterns. Patterns on top of patterns, patterns that affect other patterns, patterns hidden by patterns, patterns within patterns.
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Optimism is the first symptom that any disease is fatal.
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So this is why I write. Because most times, your life isn’t funny the first time through. Most times, you can hardly stand it. That’s why I write, because life never works except in retrospect. And writing makes you look back. Because since you can’t control life, at least you can control your version.
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There's a terrible dark joy when the only person who knows all your secrets is finally dead.
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We've taken the world apart but we have no idea what to do with the pieces.
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I can manage my own pain. I can drink. I can go to the doctor and get a prescription. I can exercise. I can write a story about it. I've done it a million times! But I don't want to see the people I love tortured and suffering.
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Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can laugh at anything from far enough away.
Chuck Palahniuk
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Because I can't hit bottom, I can't be saved.
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this is the upside of already being eternally damned
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Each wedding picture was less of a memento than a scar. Proof of some horror movie scenario Katherine Kenton has survived.
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What I'm always trying to do with every book is to recreate the effect of the stories we heard as children in front of campfires and fireplaces - the ghost stories that engaged us.
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Only in death will we have our own names since only in death are we no longer part of the effort. In death we become heroes.
Chuck Palahniuk
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A writer’s job is to cultivate what can go wrong.
Chuck Palahniuk