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That's like comparing apples with hermaphroditic ground sloths.

Chuck Klosterman

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Chuck Klosterman
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: June 5
Author
Journalist
Music Critic
Breckenridge
Minnesota
Charles John Klosterman
Like
Sloths
Comparing
Sloth
Apples
Compare
Fruit
Ground

More quotes by Chuck Klosterman

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You can't go into the office and be a jerk. You can't yell at your kids or your wife or your husband for no reason. That makes you a terrible person.
Chuck Klosterman
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I tend to equate sadness with intelligence.
Chuck Klosterman
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First, you must love yourself. And if you do that convincingly enough, others will love you too much.
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And I spilled gravy on my Carolina sweater, because I am alive.
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If I basically view criticism as sort of an interesting form of writing about oneself, an interesting form of autobiography, then I don't feel any pressure to have any kind of authoritative, universal voice. That kind of thing has never interested me.
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A homeless man once told me that dancing to rap music is the cultural equivalent of masturbating, and I'd sort of fell the same way about playing John Madden Football immediately after filing my income tax: It's fun, but - somehow - vaguely pathetic.
Chuck Klosterman
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Sometimes I think children are the worst people alive. And even if they're not- even if some smiling toddler is as pure as Evian- it's only a matter of time.
Chuck Klosterman
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If you play I Don't Want To Know by Fleetwood Mac loud enough -- you can hear Lindsey Buckingham's fingers sliding down the strings of his acoustic guitar. ...And we were convinced that this was the definitive illustration of what we both loved about music we loved hearing the INSIDE of a song.
Chuck Klosterman
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Football allows the intellectual part of my brain to evolve, but it allows the emotional part to remain unchanged. It has a liberal cerebellum and a reactionary heart. And this is all I want from everything, all the time, always.
Chuck Klosterman
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What my mom failed to understand was that I didn't even want long hair -- I needed long hair. And my desire for protracted, flowing locks had virtually nothing to do with fashion, nor was it a form of protest against the constructions of mainstream society. My motivation was far more philosophical. I wanted to rock.
Chuck Klosterman
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It has always been my belief that people are remembered for the sum of their accomplishments but defined by their singular failure.
Chuck Klosterman
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Even eternally free people are enslaved by the process of living.
Chuck Klosterman
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Nine Inch Nails were the best and most popular industrial band of all time as a consequence, industrial purists usually assert that Nine Inch Nails aren't an industrial band at all (this is a counterintuitive phenomenon that tends to occur with purists from all subcultures, musical or otherwise).
Chuck Klosterman
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It is important to have questionable friends you can trust unconditionally.
Chuck Klosterman
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It is very easy for me to imagine in 200 years, people looking back at chemotherapy as proof that people of the 20th century were insane and just morons.
Chuck Klosterman
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Every possible opinion is authored about everything. What's going to eventually happen is someone will look back on this period and have to sift through it. The overwhelming majority of those opinions are going to be ignored, because if every opinion is being offered, really no opinion is being offered.
Chuck Klosterman
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Let's face it: Sadness and evil are always more believable than happiness and love. When a movie reviewer calls a film realistic, everyone knows what that means--it means the movie has an unhappy ending.
Chuck Klosterman
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Maybe I could survive in one of those resort prisons where they house white-collar criminals. I've always wanted to get better at tennis.
Chuck Klosterman
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I care about strangers when they're abstractions, but I feel almost nothing when they're literally in front of me.
Chuck Klosterman
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If I had to make a choice between only writing about sports or only writing about music, I would probably write about music. I'm not sure why that is. There seems to be more to write about with music, just because it's more of a splintered thing. There's more subgenres. With sports, it's more objective in a way.
Chuck Klosterman