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That's like comparing apples with hermaphroditic ground sloths.

Chuck Klosterman

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Chuck Klosterman
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: June 5
Author
Journalist
Music Critic
Breckenridge
Minnesota
Charles John Klosterman
Comparing
Sloth
Apples
Compare
Fruit
Ground
Like
Sloths

More quotes by Chuck Klosterman

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The essays are very solipsistic and self-absorbed, I'm totally conscious of that. To me, book writing is fun, and I basically just write about things that are entertaining to myself.
Chuck Klosterman
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The only people who think the Internet is a calamity are people whose lives have been hurt by it the only people who insist the Internet is wonderful are those who need it to give their life meaning.
Chuck Klosterman
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If you’re the type of person who wants to associate exclusively with those who perfectly mirror your own ethical worldview, you’re reducing significantly the scope of your potential life experience.
Chuck Klosterman
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Football allows the intellectual part of my brain to evolve, but it allows the emotional part to remain unchanged. It has a liberal cerebellum and a reactionary heart. And this is all I want from everything, all the time, always.
Chuck Klosterman
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Gay marriage should be legalized in america because gay men are the only men who want to be married.
Chuck Klosterman
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[On political correctness:] Any intended message mattered less than the received message, and every received message could be interpreted in whatever way the receiver wanted.
Chuck Klosterman
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And all I could do while I listened to this dude tell me how punk rock saved his life was think, Wow. Why did my friend waste all that time going to chemotherapy? I guess we should have just played him a bunch of shitty Black Flag records.
Chuck Klosterman
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Perhaps we humans are still in command, and perhaps there really will be a conventional robot war in the not-so-distant future. If so, let's roll.
Chuck Klosterman
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Booze is the greatest of all equalizers. Rich drunks and poor drunks both pass out the same way.
Chuck Klosterman
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Whenever I can’t sleep, I like to lie in the darkness and pretend I’ve been assassinated. I’ve found this is the best way to get comfortable. I imagine I’m in the coffin at my funeral, and people from my past are walking by my corpse and making comments about my demise.
Chuck Klosterman
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I think anyone who's not as good a writer as me is absolutely a hack, and I think anybody who's a slightly better writer than me is brilliant. So of course that makes me a horrible critic when it comes to books, because I can't distance my own experience from what I'm doing.
Chuck Klosterman
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First, you must love yourself. And if you do that convincingly enough, others will love you too much.
Chuck Klosterman
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Life is rarely about what happened it's mostly about what we think happened.
Chuck Klosterman
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Maybe I could survive in one of those resort prisons where they house white-collar criminals. I've always wanted to get better at tennis.
Chuck Klosterman
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Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don't see the big picture.
Chuck Klosterman
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By now, everyone I know is one of seven strangers, inevitably hoping to represent a predefined demographic and always failing horribly. The Read World is the real world is The Real World is the read world. It’s the same true story, even when it isn’t.
Chuck Klosterman
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Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less.
Chuck Klosterman
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It's possible for me to imagine a generation of people maybe two generations removed from you who might decide that we have an adversarial relationship with technology.
Chuck Klosterman
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Instead, we were given a publication called the Weekly Reader, which was like a newspaper for four-foot illiterates.
Chuck Klosterman
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I hate the point where you have to get off the ladder, or get back on. I don't know if that's a fear of heights, or literally a fear of falling. I want to be afraid to fall. That seems like a good fear.
Chuck Klosterman