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That's like comparing apples with hermaphroditic ground sloths.

Chuck Klosterman

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Chuck Klosterman
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: June 5
Author
Journalist
Music Critic
Breckenridge
Minnesota
Charles John Klosterman
Like
Sloths
Comparing
Sloth
Apples
Compare
Fruit
Ground

More quotes by Chuck Klosterman

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The essays are different because ultimately it's things I'm interested in, and I'm really just writing about myself and using those subjects as a prism.
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If you can't swim, the idea of being in nine feet of water is terrifying, much less the ocean.
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I honestly believe that people of my generation despise authenticity, mostly because they're all so envious of it.
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It was the kind of love you can only feel toward someone you don't actually know.
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And I spilled gravy on my Carolina sweater, because I am alive.
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We would sit in the living room, drink a case of Busch beer, and throw the empty cans into the kitchen for no reason whatsoever, beyond the fact that it was the most overtly irresponsible way for any two people to live.
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I am of the opinion, and have been for a long time, that any kind of big technological move is almost always positive in the short term but inevitably somewhat negative in the long term. And I think there are many examples of this in every possible context.
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A homeless man once told me that dancing to rap music is the cultural equivalent of masturbating, and I'd sort of fell the same way about playing John Madden Football immediately after filing my income tax: It's fun, but - somehow - vaguely pathetic.
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[On political correctness:] Any intended message mattered less than the received message, and every received message could be interpreted in whatever way the receiver wanted.
Chuck Klosterman
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What is going to happen in the course of my day that will be an improvement over lying on something very soft, underneath something very warm, wearing only underwear, doing absolutely nothing, all by myself?
Chuck Klosterman
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I think this is the kind of thing where we're rapidly moving toward an age where most of the populace will be almost unable to imagine life without an Internet component interlocked with it.
Chuck Klosterman
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Even though I wanted to experience all these things I was interested in, I couldn't get them. So I had to think critically and culturally about what was available.
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Sure there's a percentage of people who are like, It snowed in May. I don't believe in climate change. Well, that's crazy, but that's always gonna be the case. I suppose if climate change happens much faster than even the dire experts predict, then I suppose opinions will change.
Chuck Klosterman
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I don't go to scary movies. I don't like the experience of being scared. I think it's very weird that some people do. Obviously, humans are the only animals that do that. You don't see a wolf walk to the end of a cliff and look over the edge to freak himself out.
Chuck Klosterman
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You can't go into the office and be a jerk. You can't yell at your kids or your wife or your husband for no reason. That makes you a terrible person.
Chuck Klosterman
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Whenever I can’t sleep, I like to lie in the darkness and pretend I’ve been assassinated. I’ve found this is the best way to get comfortable. I imagine I’m in the coffin at my funeral, and people from my past are walking by my corpse and making comments about my demise.
Chuck Klosterman
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Being interesting has been replaced by being identifiable.
Chuck Klosterman
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Every time I learn the truth about something, I’m disappointed
Chuck Klosterman
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Every possible opinion is authored about everything. What's going to eventually happen is someone will look back on this period and have to sift through it. The overwhelming majority of those opinions are going to be ignored, because if every opinion is being offered, really no opinion is being offered.
Chuck Klosterman
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Even eternally free people are enslaved by the process of living.
Chuck Klosterman