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Soccer is like punk rock: The product is not necessarily terrible. The problem is the fan base.

Chuck Klosterman

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Chuck Klosterman
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: June 5
Author
Journalist
Music Critic
Breckenridge
Minnesota
Charles John Klosterman
Necessarily
Rock
Rocks
Products
Terrible
Punk
Fans
Base
Problem
Soccer
Like
Product

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I doubt that pornography has been good for the advancement of society, but I suspect it’s done wonders for the advancement of computer technology.
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-- and it occurred to me that people who don't talk about themselves are limiting their own potential. They think they're guarding themselves for some sort of abstract dange, but they're actually allowing other people to decide who they are and what they're like.
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That's like comparing apples with hermaphroditic ground sloths.
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It was the kind of love you can only feel toward someone you don't actually know.
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If you can't swim, the idea of being in nine feet of water is terrifying, much less the ocean.
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Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don't see the big picture.
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We assume that all statements must be mild inversions of the truth, because it's too weird to imagine people who aren't casually lying, pretty much all the time.
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It doesn't matter what you can do if you don't know why you're doing it.
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At a magazine, everything you do is edited by a bunch of people, by committee, and a lot of them are, were, or think of themselves as writers. Part of that is because magazines worry about their voice.
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There are two ways to look at life. The first view is that nothing stays the same and that nothing is inherently connected, and that the only driving force in anyone's life is entropy. The second is that everything pretty much stays the same (more or less) and that everything is completely connected, even if we don't realize it.
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Even though I wanted to experience all these things I was interested in, I couldn't get them. So I had to think critically and culturally about what was available.
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It is important to have questionable friends you can trust unconditionally.
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Sometimes I think children are the worst people alive. And even if they're not- even if some smiling toddler is as pure as Evian- it's only a matter of time.
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The worst thing you can do to anybody trying to be creative is to demand participation in their vision.
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Technology evolves faster than people do, faster than biology does.
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If someone breaks your heart, just punch them in the face. Oh sure, it seems obvious now, but you'd be amazed at how many people don't think of it when it's relevant. Seriously, punch them in the face and go get some ice cream.
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The essays are different because ultimately it's things I'm interested in, and I'm really just writing about myself and using those subjects as a prism.
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If you're doing an interview, you need conversational tension. After you talk to them, you're not going to have a relationship with them, they're not going to like you, they're not going to be your friend.
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It might sound chauvinistic, but there is a sad reality in rock music: Bands who depend on support from females inevitably crash and burn.
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Different critics go to different lengths to disagree with that sentiment, but ultimately, they're the person experiencing this art, and whatever judgment or taste they use is internal, and says more about them than about the record they're writing about.
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