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...I've spent the last fifteen years of my life railing against the game of soccer, an exercise that has been lauded as the sport of the future since 1977. Thankfully, that future dystopia has never come.

Chuck Klosterman

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Chuck Klosterman
Age: 52
Born: 1972
Born: June 5
Author
Journalist
Music Critic
Breckenridge
Minnesota
Charles John Klosterman
Games
Fifteen
Lasts
Soccer
Last
Sport
Future
Spent
Come
Exercise
Lauded
Years
Game
Dystopia
Never
Sports
Railing
Life
Since
Thankfully

More quotes by Chuck Klosterman

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Technology evolves faster than people do, faster than biology does.
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In and of itself, nothing really matters. What matters is that nothing is ever in and of itself.
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I want fake love. But that's all I want, and that's why I can't have it.
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The last girl I love will be someone I haven’t even met yet, probably.
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The biggest hurdle to writing Fargo Rock City was that I couldn't afford a home computer - I had to get a new job so I could buy a computer. It could all change though. In five years, I could be back at some daily newspaper, which wouldn't be so bad.
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When given the choice, we’d all rather be happy now … even if that guarantees we’ll all be sad later.
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Women intrinsically understand human dynamics, and that makes them unstoppable. Unfortunately, the average man is less adroit at fostering such rivalries, which is why most men remain average males are better at hating things that can't hate them back (e.g., lawnmowers, cats, the Denver Broncos, et cetera). They don't see the big picture.
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Whenever I can’t sleep, I like to lie in the darkness and pretend I’ve been assassinated. I’ve found this is the best way to get comfortable. I imagine I’m in the coffin at my funeral, and people from my past are walking by my corpse and making comments about my demise.
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The most wretched people in the world are those who tell you they like every kind of music 'except country.' People who say that are boorish and pretentious at the same time.
Chuck Klosterman
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Observing someone without context amplifies the experience. The more we know, the less we are able to feel.
Chuck Klosterman
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Every relationship is fundamentally a power struggle, and the individual in power is whoever likes the other person less.
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Sure there's a percentage of people who are like, It snowed in May. I don't believe in climate change. Well, that's crazy, but that's always gonna be the case. I suppose if climate change happens much faster than even the dire experts predict, then I suppose opinions will change.
Chuck Klosterman
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People who are wrong during particularly important moments inevitably spend the rest of their lives trying to explain how their wrongness was paradoxically correct, or-at the very least-why their wrongness felt right at the time, which is very, very different from being authentically correct.
Chuck Klosterman
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The strength of your memory dictates the size of your reality
Chuck Klosterman
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First, you must love yourself. And if you do that convincingly enough, others will love you too much.
Chuck Klosterman
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I like storms. I would say I actively like stormy weather. I would not be afraid of them. I think that if I had not pursued journalism, I think storm-chasing would've been a really fun career.
Chuck Klosterman
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My mind and gut are never simpatico: Every time I think somebody likes me, she doesn't every time I think somebody doesn't like me, she does. This has never changed and I'm certain it never will.
Chuck Klosterman
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I don't go to scary movies. I don't like the experience of being scared. I think it's very weird that some people do. Obviously, humans are the only animals that do that. You don't see a wolf walk to the end of a cliff and look over the edge to freak himself out.
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Every possible opinion is authored about everything. What's going to eventually happen is someone will look back on this period and have to sift through it. The overwhelming majority of those opinions are going to be ignored, because if every opinion is being offered, really no opinion is being offered.
Chuck Klosterman
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When I think about the future, I'm not necessarily arguing it's going to be better or worse. I'm just saying it's going to be different.
Chuck Klosterman