Quote

The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.

Christopher Titus

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Puking
Scraped
Yearbook
Fireman
Voted
Likely

More quotes by Christopher Titus

Image
Osama's dead. Why is the terror alert elevated or imminent? Why not chill? Can't I just fly, keep my shoes on and avoid X-ray-fueled testicular cancer?
Christopher Titus
Image
I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.
Christopher Titus
Image
Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Christopher Titus
Image
Many massacres have happened when people yell surprise! Pearl Harbor. The Tet Offensive. My uncle's 50th birthday party. I was there, man! How many more people gotta die?
Christopher Titus
Image
Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.
Christopher Titus
Image
My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.
Christopher Titus
Image
Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.
Christopher Titus
Image
Sisters ruin everything. It's in their job description.
Christopher Titus
Image
There's a one in six billion chance you'll find your soul mate. And that's if they're not dead. At best they're probably living in some Siberian ice cave eating bugs and weaving beads into their back hair. But they're out there. My dad believed that to find your perfect soul mate, first, you had to look through a bunch of other guys' soul mates.
Christopher Titus
Image
Growing up, road trips with Dad were something I hated. Sitting still for hours, singing that stupid song, 100 bottles of beer on the wall. 100 bottles of beer... Dad, you know, keeping up with the song.
Christopher Titus
Image
Does anyone ever shudder with the crap that you pulled off and didn't die?
Christopher Titus
Image
Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation.
Christopher Titus
Image
Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.
Christopher Titus
Image
There's two approved methods for getting a pedicure for a guy. Number one, you use your own grinder or... You have an eighteen year-old Vietnamese girl rub your feet and call you Joe and that's it!
Christopher Titus
Image
Everyone's a racist. It's the one thing that makes us all the same.
Christopher Titus
Image
They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won she made me live with Dad.
Christopher Titus
Image
I love being from a screwed up family. We have everything in my family: prescription drug abuse, mental illness, one of my uncles is a Mormon.
Christopher Titus
Image
I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest. And that's why it feels like we are polarized.
Christopher Titus
Image
In my family, goodness is just badness before its had something to drink.
Christopher Titus
Image
Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.
Christopher Titus