Quote

They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won she made me live with Dad.

Christopher Titus

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Court
Battle
Bigs
Keep
Live
Made
Dad
Mom

More quotes by Christopher Titus

Image
Lady, if you laugh and you don't make a noise, you're a shaker, and it's freaking me out.
Christopher Titus
Image
If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man.
Christopher Titus
Image
Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation.
Christopher Titus
Image
I'm thinking of a presidential bid currently indexing and cross-referencing everyone I've tweeted my junk to. 8x10s available.
Christopher Titus
Image
In a normal family, surprise means presents, cake and a party. My family, surprise means homelessness, abandonment and destruction of private property. Sometimes we have cake. We're not losers.
Christopher Titus
Image
Whenever you're pissed off, just remember that it's better than being pissed on.
Christopher Titus
Image
I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.
Christopher Titus
Image
I don't tell people I'm white anymore - I'm albino-Cambodian.
Christopher Titus
Image
The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.
Christopher Titus
Image
The day I'm in England performing, English security let a man in a Batman suit climb Buckingham Palace. I felt so much safer... Batman was on the wall of Buckingham Palace for five hours. Wouldn't happen in America - three minutes: dead Batman.
Christopher Titus
Image
Martha Stewart's a convicted felon and they gave her another television show. What's next, the Scott Peterson Fishing Hour?
Christopher Titus
Image
Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!
Christopher Titus
Image
Everyone should think for themselves. I learned that in a book I bought called 'Everyone Should Think For Themselves'.
Christopher Titus
Image
We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.
Christopher Titus
Image
Everyone's a racist. It's the one thing that makes us all the same.
Christopher Titus
Image
Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Christopher Titus
Image
If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.
Christopher Titus
Image
Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.
Christopher Titus
Image
I love being from a screwed up family. We have everything in my family: prescription drug abuse, mental illness, one of my uncles is a Mormon.
Christopher Titus
Image
I think our collective psychosis is hilarious. With the world moving as fast as it is, if we weren't dysfunctional, we couldn't function.
Christopher Titus