Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
In my family, goodness is just badness before its had something to drink.
Christopher Titus
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Family
Something
Badness
Goodness
Drink
More quotes by Christopher Titus
Lady, if you laugh and you don't make a noise, you're a shaker, and it's freaking me out.
Christopher Titus
I think our collective psychosis is hilarious. With the world moving as fast as it is, if we weren't dysfunctional, we couldn't function.
Christopher Titus
Thomas Jefferson said, The tree of liberty must be fertilized from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. Yeah and I heard that and thought, I'm out!
Christopher Titus
My mom was crazy. And her mom was crazy. And her mom's mom was crazy. Is it my turn? Am I going to live the rest of my life giggling at raindrops, wearing paper slippers ? When I go to dinner with friends, should I not use a fork 'cause I just might snap? Hey, you guys look great. How's the baby?
Christopher Titus
If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man.
Christopher Titus
Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family.
Christopher Titus
My father, never chooses me for anything. Unless he needs a human shield. Thirty years and all I am to him is a hunk of meat to block buck shot. Told you dad needed me. Who's the best man now?
Christopher Titus
Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.
Christopher Titus
In a normal family, a surprise means presents, cake and a party. For me ? I had no idea. And my family, doing something nice is seen as an attack. When I was nine, I 'attacked' my father with a fathers day gift. A visor organiser for his car, because it was useful. And it rhymed. Visor. Organiser. I was nine.
Christopher Titus
Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.
Christopher Titus
Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.
Christopher Titus
Anyone look back at their high school career and just shudder at what you got away with and didn't die?
Christopher Titus
Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.
Christopher Titus
Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.
Christopher Titus
Humans are born, small, weak and helpless. That's why we have family. And the elders of the family are the honoured guardians of our country's history. Unfortunately, in America, we, you know, lock those elders away out of view in nursing homes and go about our little lives. It's a great national shame and an irredeemable tragedy. Oh well.
Christopher Titus
I have a dream. With that one sentence, Martin Luther King touched and empowered an entire nation. You know what else he did? He made everybody else without dreams feel real bad.
Christopher Titus
We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.
Christopher Titus
Terrorists, oh I'm sorry, Fox News tells us it's all illegal immagration's fault but it's not their fault, it's ours.
Christopher Titus
Many massacres have happened when people yell surprise! Pearl Harbor. The Tet Offensive. My uncle's 50th birthday party. I was there, man! How many more people gotta die?
Christopher Titus
Martha Stewart's a convicted felon and they gave her another television show. What's next, the Scott Peterson Fishing Hour?
Christopher Titus
