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Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

Christopher Titus

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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Unexamined
Booty
Socrates
Dad
Worth
Living
Life

More quotes by Christopher Titus

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Every weekend, I would get the drunk driving lecture. Of course, Dad drank and drove all the time. I guess it wasn't a lecture it was helpful tips from the master.
Christopher Titus
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Osama's dead. Why is the terror alert elevated or imminent? Why not chill? Can't I just fly, keep my shoes on and avoid X-ray-fueled testicular cancer?
Christopher Titus
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Terrorists, oh I'm sorry, Fox News tells us it's all illegal immagration's fault but it's not their fault, it's ours.
Christopher Titus
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Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.
Christopher Titus
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Consider Palin for President? The most powerful job on earth? You don't give the dumb cheerleader the Uzi. That's in the Bible.
Christopher Titus
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A lie is a lie... unless your friends and family are in on it. Then it's a commonly held belief.
Christopher Titus
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Vengeance, is good. You give it, you get it. It's all part of what makes us human. So thank god for vengeance. Otherwise, the human race might as well just roll over and let another species for a while. I think it will be the cats. Watch 'em. They're cooking up something.
Christopher Titus
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I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.
Christopher Titus
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This horrible decade where all of us men tried to be individual rebels... by wearing the exact same flaming skull on a bedazzled Ed Hardy thermal. I have three of them, I'm not laughing at you I'm laughing with you.
Christopher Titus
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Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die and then some. Mom, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mom.
Christopher Titus
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My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!
Christopher Titus
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I don't believe in right or left I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.
Christopher Titus
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Anyone look back at their high school career and just shudder at what you got away with and didn't die?
Christopher Titus
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Nobody's really happy. And as soon as society realises that you can't trust anyone and that hardship is a natural part of existence, the sooner the therapists will realise that they are worthless! Sorry. They have worth deficit disorder!
Christopher Titus
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There's one in every family. When the police calls in the middle of the night and says We've got a family members of yours under arrest and you know directly who it is. In my family we have seven of those... And they are all my *Mom*!
Christopher Titus
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There's two approved methods for getting a pedicure for a guy. Number one, you use your own grinder or... You have an eighteen year-old Vietnamese girl rub your feet and call you Joe and that's it!
Christopher Titus
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Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!
Christopher Titus
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And one more thing I want to be clear about - I know who I am. I am just a very thin layer of charming with some funny sprinkles wrapped around a huge creamy center of raging arrogant a-hole. I got it.
Christopher Titus
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Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.
Christopher Titus
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Everyone should think for themselves. I learned that in a book I bought called 'Everyone Should Think For Themselves'.
Christopher Titus