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Everyone's a racist. It's the one thing that makes us all the same.

Christopher Titus

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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Makes
Thing
Racist
Racism
Everyone

More quotes by Christopher Titus

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No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.
Christopher Titus
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In a normal family, surprise means presents, cake and a party. My family, surprise means homelessness, abandonment and destruction of private property. Sometimes we have cake. We're not losers.
Christopher Titus
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Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation.
Christopher Titus
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Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family.
Christopher Titus
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Lady, if you laugh and you don't make a noise, you're a shaker, and it's freaking me out.
Christopher Titus
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The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.
Christopher Titus
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My random acts of violence weren't random. They were premeditated.
Christopher Titus
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My father, never chooses me for anything. If you needed a kidney and I offered him mine, well, pfft. Well, he'd take it 'cos he was dying. It's not that he doesn't love me, 'cos he does. It's just that special kind of love that feels like neglect.
Christopher Titus
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I'm thinking of a presidential bid currently indexing and cross-referencing everyone I've tweeted my junk to. 8x10s available.
Christopher Titus
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A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad, but he's too big to eat.
Christopher Titus
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I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.
Christopher Titus
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Clint Eastwood doesn't moisturize! But Clint Eastwood needs to moisturize!
Christopher Titus
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Does anyone ever shudder with the crap that you pulled off and didn't die?
Christopher Titus
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Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.
Christopher Titus
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I have pictures of my daughter, in the hospital, at three seconds, six seconds, nine seconds, and then fifteen seconds, 'cause dumbass couldn't get the camera ready fast enough. Yeah, ha ha ha. She wrote that in the photo album.
Christopher Titus
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Nobody's really happy. And as soon as society realises that you can't trust anyone and that hardship is a natural part of existence, the sooner the therapists will realise that they are worthless! Sorry. They have worth deficit disorder!
Christopher Titus
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Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die and then some. Mom, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mom.
Christopher Titus
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If you want to do something dangerous... Don't tell your girlfriend!
Christopher Titus
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Life, is easy. And if yours isn't, quit whining. Oh, wait. unless you're just a head amd then, you do have it pretty rough. I don't know how you roll out of bed every morning.
Christopher Titus
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If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck at the time.
Christopher Titus