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Bad news has never been broken gently in my family. Because, breaking it gently takes a few extra seconds. And who's got that kinda time? Hey, we maybe failures, but we are very busy.

Christopher Titus

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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Takes
Extra
Maybe
Extras
Family
Hey
Never
Breaking
Time
Seconds
Busy
Gently
News
Kinda
Broken
Failures

More quotes by Christopher Titus

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The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. My dad always taught me to live like that. Dad wrote a poem too. It goes, Dune buggies. Woohoo!
Christopher Titus
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I have pictures of my daughter, in the hospital, at three seconds, six seconds, nine seconds, and then fifteen seconds, 'cause dumbass couldn't get the camera ready fast enough. Yeah, ha ha ha. She wrote that in the photo album.
Christopher Titus
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If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck at the time.
Christopher Titus
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I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.
Christopher Titus
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Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.
Christopher Titus
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Whenever you're pissed off, just remember that it's better than being pissed on.
Christopher Titus
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My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!
Christopher Titus
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I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest. And that's why it feels like we are polarized.
Christopher Titus
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Life, is easy. And if yours isn't, quit whining. Oh, wait. unless you're just a head amd then, you do have it pretty rough. I don't know how you roll out of bed every morning.
Christopher Titus
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This horrible decade where all of us men tried to be individual rebels... by wearing the exact same flaming skull on a bedazzled Ed Hardy thermal. I have three of them, I'm not laughing at you I'm laughing with you.
Christopher Titus
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Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die and then some. Mom, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mom.
Christopher Titus
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No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.
Christopher Titus
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The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.
Christopher Titus
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Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.
Christopher Titus
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Terrorists, oh I'm sorry, Fox News tells us it's all illegal immagration's fault but it's not their fault, it's ours.
Christopher Titus
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Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family.
Christopher Titus
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Anyone look back at their high school career and just shudder at what you got away with and didn't die?
Christopher Titus
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Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Christopher Titus
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The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and throw it through a window. Of course, now Dad's armed with a brick.
Christopher Titus
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We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.
Christopher Titus