Quote

Life, is easy. And if yours isn't, quit whining. Oh, wait. unless you're just a head amd then, you do have it pretty rough. I don't know how you roll out of bed every morning.

Christopher Titus

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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Waiting
Rough
Easy
Roll
Every
Bed
Life
Wait
Unless
Pretty
Whining
Head
Quit
Morning
Quitting

More quotes by Christopher Titus

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Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.
Christopher Titus
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Osama's dead. Why is the terror alert elevated or imminent? Why not chill? Can't I just fly, keep my shoes on and avoid X-ray-fueled testicular cancer?
Christopher Titus
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Many massacres have happened when people yell surprise! Pearl Harbor. The Tet Offensive. My uncle's 50th birthday party. I was there, man! How many more people gotta die?
Christopher Titus
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I have a dream. With that one sentence, Martin Luther King touched and empowered an entire nation. You know what else he did? He made everybody else without dreams feel real bad.
Christopher Titus
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There's one in every family. When the police calls in the middle of the night and says We've got a family members of yours under arrest and you know directly who it is. In my family we have seven of those... And they are all my *Mom*!
Christopher Titus
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My mom was crazy. And her mom was crazy. And her mom's mom was crazy. Is it my turn? Am I going to live the rest of my life giggling at raindrops, wearing paper slippers ? When I go to dinner with friends, should I not use a fork 'cause I just might snap? Hey, you guys look great. How's the baby?
Christopher Titus
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Haiti fell over? Who built Haiti? Two of the three little pigs?!
Christopher Titus
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Martha Stewart's a convicted felon and they gave her another television show. What's next, the Scott Peterson Fishing Hour?
Christopher Titus
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I have pictures of my daughter, in the hospital, at three seconds, six seconds, nine seconds, and then fifteen seconds, 'cause dumbass couldn't get the camera ready fast enough. Yeah, ha ha ha. She wrote that in the photo album.
Christopher Titus
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Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.
Christopher Titus
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I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.
Christopher Titus
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The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. My dad always taught me to live like that. Dad wrote a poem too. It goes, Dune buggies. Woohoo!
Christopher Titus
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Everyone should think for themselves. I learned that in a book I bought called 'Everyone Should Think For Themselves'.
Christopher Titus
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Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.
Christopher Titus
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My dad got divorced six times. Well, he actually only got divorced five times. He wouldn't divorce the sixth one 'cause he said he didn't want people to think he couldn't commit. 'I don't want people not taking me serious.' Dad, your last marriage was performed in Reno by an ordained lesbian Elvis impersonator. Who you hit on.
Christopher Titus
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We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.
Christopher Titus
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Anyone look back at their high school career and just shudder at what you got away with and didn't die?
Christopher Titus
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In my family, goodness is just badness before its had something to drink.
Christopher Titus
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Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a failed jobs program.
Christopher Titus
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I'm thinking of a presidential bid currently indexing and cross-referencing everyone I've tweeted my junk to. 8x10s available.
Christopher Titus