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Anyone look back at their high school career and just shudder at what you got away with and didn't die?
Christopher Titus
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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
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More quotes by Christopher Titus
I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.
Christopher Titus
In my family, goodness is just badness before its had something to drink.
Christopher Titus
My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.
Christopher Titus
Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.
Christopher Titus
Many massacres have happened when people yell surprise! Pearl Harbor. The Tet Offensive. My uncle's 50th birthday party. I was there, man! How many more people gotta die?
Christopher Titus
The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. My dad always taught me to live like that. Dad wrote a poem too. It goes, Dune buggies. Woohoo!
Christopher Titus
Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.
Christopher Titus
When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.
Christopher Titus
If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man.
Christopher Titus
I think our collective psychosis is hilarious. With the world moving as fast as it is, if we weren't dysfunctional, we couldn't function.
Christopher Titus
Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.
Christopher Titus
Psychiatrist are like mind hookers. Give them 200 dollars and they just screw with your head.
Christopher Titus
My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!
Christopher Titus
Sisters ruin everything. It's in their job description.
Christopher Titus
I swore I would never get involved in my dad's life. But then he started blowing it. So I had to get involved, you know, but he's my dad, I can't send him to his room or ground him or go to his first grade play and scream, Look at the fairy! I was a wood nymph.
Christopher Titus
If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck at the time.
Christopher Titus
My father was on the Alcoholics Anonymous wishlist. My mother was on... parole. And lithium.
Christopher Titus
The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.
Christopher Titus
I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.
Christopher Titus
Osama's dead. Why is the terror alert elevated or imminent? Why not chill? Can't I just fly, keep my shoes on and avoid X-ray-fueled testicular cancer?
Christopher Titus
