Quote

Martha Stewart's a convicted felon and they gave her another television show. What's next, the Scott Peterson Fishing Hour?

Christopher Titus

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Next
Stewart
Shows
Scott
Another
Fishing
Hour
Felon
Gave
Peterson
Television
Felons
Hours
Martha
Show
Convicted

More quotes by Christopher Titus

Image
Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.
Christopher Titus
Image
A salamander can grow a new tail in three weeks. My dad can score new tail in three minutes.
Christopher Titus
Image
Everyone should think for themselves. I learned that in a book I bought called 'Everyone Should Think For Themselves'.
Christopher Titus
Image
The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.
Christopher Titus
Image
Whenever you're pissed off, just remember that it's better than being pissed on.
Christopher Titus
Image
My father, never chooses me for anything. Unless he needs a human shield. Thirty years and all I am to him is a hunk of meat to block buck shot. Told you dad needed me. Who's the best man now?
Christopher Titus
Image
Life, is easy. And if yours isn't, quit whining. Oh, wait. unless you're just a head amd then, you do have it pretty rough. I don't know how you roll out of bed every morning.
Christopher Titus
Image
Consider Palin for President? The most powerful job on earth? You don't give the dumb cheerleader the Uzi. That's in the Bible.
Christopher Titus
Image
In a normal family, surprise means presents, cake and a party. My family, surprise means homelessness, abandonment and destruction of private property. Sometimes we have cake. We're not losers.
Christopher Titus
Image
How far would you go for someone you love ? I heard this story, about this woman, who actually lifted a car off of her baby. 'Course I would have said, Dude! Back up. But, wasn't my kid. When I was born, if I'd have known all the stuff my dad was going to do for me, I'd have crawled right back in.
Christopher Titus
Image
Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a failed jobs program.
Christopher Titus
Image
Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.
Christopher Titus
Image
We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.
Christopher Titus
Image
My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.
Christopher Titus
Image
Nobody's really happy. And as soon as society realises that you can't trust anyone and that hardship is a natural part of existence, the sooner the therapists will realise that they are worthless! Sorry. They have worth deficit disorder!
Christopher Titus
Image
My father never missed a drink in his life. Or a joint. Or a party. Or a chance to get laid. He also never missed a day of work, or a house payment, or a car payment. I never went hungry, although he did a couple of times so I wouldn't.
Christopher Titus
Image
In a normal family, a surprise means presents, cake and a party. For me ? I had no idea. And my family, doing something nice is seen as an attack. When I was nine, I 'attacked' my father with a fathers day gift. A visor organiser for his car, because it was useful. And it rhymed. Visor. Organiser. I was nine.
Christopher Titus
Image
Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.
Christopher Titus
Image
A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad, but he's too big to eat.
Christopher Titus
Image
My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!
Christopher Titus