Quote

The day I'm in England performing, English security let a man in a Batman suit climb Buckingham Palace. I felt so much safer... Batman was on the wall of Buckingham Palace for five hours. Wouldn't happen in America - three minutes: dead Batman.

Christopher Titus

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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Happens
Minutes
Suit
America
Dead
Climbs
Much
Security
Suits
Buckingham
Men
Happen
Performing
Palace
Five
English
Batman
Hours
England
Palaces
Felt
Wall
Safer
Three
Wouldn
Climb

More quotes by Christopher Titus

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Haiti fell over? Who built Haiti? Two of the three little pigs?!
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Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.
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Anyone look back at their high school career and just shudder at what you got away with and didn't die?
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Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.
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All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on the front lawn.
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There's one in every family. When the police calls in the middle of the night and says We've got a family members of yours under arrest and you know directly who it is. In my family we have seven of those... And they are all my *Mom*!
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Does anyone ever shudder with the crap that you pulled off and didn't die?
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Sometimes, to help someone you love, you have to commit a felony. But, you don't want to go to prison for that. Hey, dude, what are you in for? Armed robbery? Murder? And then, you have to say, Love. And, that's definitely going to get you, you know, picked last for prison kick ball.
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Everyone's a racist. It's the one thing that makes us all the same.
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Everyone should think for themselves. I learned that in a book I bought called 'Everyone Should Think For Themselves'.
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Being a teenager is the worst thirty years of your life. Peer pressure, acne, final exams, seven little tiny hairs on your upper lip. Luckily, the girls never noticed your infantile moustache, 'cos they were hyptonised by the fire engine sized zit on your forehead.
Christopher Titus
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I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.
Christopher Titus
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Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.
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Lady, if you laugh and you don't make a noise, you're a shaker, and it's freaking me out.
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Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.
Christopher Titus
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The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. My dad always taught me to live like that. Dad wrote a poem too. It goes, Dune buggies. Woohoo!
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If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.
Christopher Titus
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My father, never chooses me for anything. Unless he needs a human shield. Thirty years and all I am to him is a hunk of meat to block buck shot. Told you dad needed me. Who's the best man now?
Christopher Titus
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My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference. When I got sick around him as a kid growing up, he'd always warm me up a shot of 100 proof whiskey. Never got sick... that I can remember.
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I love being from a screwed up family. We have everything in my family: prescription drug abuse, mental illness, one of my uncles is a Mormon.
Christopher Titus