Quote

A lie is a lie... unless your friends and family are in on it. Then it's a commonly held belief.

Christopher Titus

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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Belief
Friends
Lying
Family
Commonly
Held
Unless

More quotes by Christopher Titus

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When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.
Christopher Titus
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I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.
Christopher Titus
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Does anyone ever shudder with the crap that you pulled off and didn't die?
Christopher Titus
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I have a dream. With that one sentence, Martin Luther King touched and empowered an entire nation. You know what else he did? He made everybody else without dreams feel real bad.
Christopher Titus
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I'm thinking of a presidential bid currently indexing and cross-referencing everyone I've tweeted my junk to. 8x10s available.
Christopher Titus
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I love being from a screwed up family. We have everything in my family: prescription drug abuse, mental illness, one of my uncles is a Mormon.
Christopher Titus
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The United States ranks 14th in the world in education. Even if we subtract Sarah Palin's test scores, it only bumps us to third. Damn you, Finland!
Christopher Titus
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My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.
Christopher Titus
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Hey! D'you guys hear Dr. Atkins died? Slipped on some ice, hit his head, died on life support. The man who invented the all-meat diet... died a vegetable. That's a damn good joke. But that joke's like a Toyota Camry - reliable, not inspiring.
Christopher Titus
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To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has always been failure. But, growing up, my Dad was always positive... that I'd never amount to anything.
Christopher Titus
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My random acts of violence weren't random. They were premeditated.
Christopher Titus
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The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.
Christopher Titus
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If you want to do something dangerous... Don't tell your girlfriend!
Christopher Titus
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Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Christopher Titus
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We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.
Christopher Titus
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Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.
Christopher Titus
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My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.
Christopher Titus
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The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.
Christopher Titus
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There's a one in six billion chance you'll find your soul mate. And that's if they're not dead. At best they're probably living in some Siberian ice cave eating bugs and weaving beads into their back hair. But they're out there. My dad believed that to find your perfect soul mate, first, you had to look through a bunch of other guys' soul mates.
Christopher Titus
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The closer you get to death, the more alive you feel. Dylan Thomas wrote, Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. My dad always taught me to live like that. Dad wrote a poem too. It goes, Dune buggies. Woohoo!
Christopher Titus