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We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.

Christopher Titus

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Christopher Titus
Age: 59
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Instead
Answers
Bring
Looking
Light
People
Landfill
Landfills

More quotes by Christopher Titus

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Clint Eastwood doesn't moisturize! But Clint Eastwood needs to moisturize!
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If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man.
Christopher Titus
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To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to get over. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has always been failure. But, growing up, my Dad was always positive... that I'd never amount to anything.
Christopher Titus
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My father never missed a drink in his life. Or a joint. Or a party. Or a chance to get laid. He also never missed a day of work, or a house payment, or a car payment. I never went hungry, although he did a couple of times so I wouldn't.
Christopher Titus
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My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.
Christopher Titus
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Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!
Christopher Titus
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I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.
Christopher Titus
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My father was on the Alcoholics Anonymous wishlist. My mother was on... parole. And lithium.
Christopher Titus
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The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and throw it through a window. Of course, now Dad's armed with a brick.
Christopher Titus
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Martha Stewart's a convicted felon and they gave her another television show. What's next, the Scott Peterson Fishing Hour?
Christopher Titus
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If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.
Christopher Titus
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When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.
Christopher Titus
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Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Christopher Titus
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My dad got divorced six times. Well, he actually only got divorced five times. He wouldn't divorce the sixth one 'cause he said he didn't want people to think he couldn't commit. 'I don't want people not taking me serious.' Dad, your last marriage was performed in Reno by an ordained lesbian Elvis impersonator. Who you hit on.
Christopher Titus
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Terrorists, oh I'm sorry, Fox News tells us it's all illegal immagration's fault but it's not their fault, it's ours.
Christopher Titus
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Anyone look back at their high school career and just shudder at what you got away with and didn't die?
Christopher Titus
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Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.
Christopher Titus
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No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.
Christopher Titus
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Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.
Christopher Titus
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Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.
Christopher Titus