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Lady, if you laugh and you don't make a noise, you're a shaker, and it's freaking me out.

Christopher Titus

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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Freaking
Lady
Noise
Laugh
Laughing
Make
Shaker
Shakers

More quotes by Christopher Titus

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Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a failed jobs program.
Christopher Titus
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The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.
Christopher Titus
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Bad news has never been broken gently in my family. Because, breaking it gently takes a few extra seconds. And who's got that kinda time? Hey, we maybe failures, but we are very busy.
Christopher Titus
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My random acts of violence weren't random. They were premeditated.
Christopher Titus
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Martha Stewart's a convicted felon and they gave her another television show. What's next, the Scott Peterson Fishing Hour?
Christopher Titus
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I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.
Christopher Titus
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My mom was crazy. And her mom was crazy. And her mom's mom was crazy. Is it my turn? Am I going to live the rest of my life giggling at raindrops, wearing paper slippers ? When I go to dinner with friends, should I not use a fork 'cause I just might snap? Hey, you guys look great. How's the baby?
Christopher Titus
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Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.
Christopher Titus
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I don't believe in right or left I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.
Christopher Titus
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I have a dream. With that one sentence, Martin Luther King touched and empowered an entire nation. You know what else he did? He made everybody else without dreams feel real bad.
Christopher Titus
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Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!
Christopher Titus
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I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest. And that's why it feels like we are polarized.
Christopher Titus
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My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!
Christopher Titus
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There's two approved methods for getting a pedicure for a guy. Number one, you use your own grinder or... You have an eighteen year-old Vietnamese girl rub your feet and call you Joe and that's it!
Christopher Titus
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And one more thing I want to be clear about - I know who I am. I am just a very thin layer of charming with some funny sprinkles wrapped around a huge creamy center of raging arrogant a-hole. I got it.
Christopher Titus
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They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won she made me live with Dad.
Christopher Titus
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A salamander can grow a new tail in three weeks. My dad can score new tail in three minutes.
Christopher Titus
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I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.
Christopher Titus
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My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.
Christopher Titus
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I love being from a screwed up family. We have everything in my family: prescription drug abuse, mental illness, one of my uncles is a Mormon.
Christopher Titus