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Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

Christopher Titus

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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
Rose
Later
Philosophy
Inhale
Dies
Roses
Take
Bees
Time
Sooner
Philosophical
Smell

More quotes by Christopher Titus

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We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.
Christopher Titus
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You don't get a rebate at the end of your life for living with an idiot.
Christopher Titus
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I have pictures of my daughter, in the hospital, at three seconds, six seconds, nine seconds, and then fifteen seconds, 'cause dumbass couldn't get the camera ready fast enough. Yeah, ha ha ha. She wrote that in the photo album.
Christopher Titus
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They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won she made me live with Dad.
Christopher Titus
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Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.
Christopher Titus
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Being a parent is a life sentence. From the day that kid is born until the day you die and then some. Mom, there is nothing to forgive. You gave me life. And, hey, you're not crazy anymore. Everybody thinks I am. Real funny, mom.
Christopher Titus
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My father never missed a drink in his life. Or a joint. Or a party. Or a chance to get laid. He also never missed a day of work, or a house payment, or a car payment. I never went hungry, although he did a couple of times so I wouldn't.
Christopher Titus
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I love being from a screwed up family. We have everything in my family: prescription drug abuse, mental illness, one of my uncles is a Mormon.
Christopher Titus
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Fighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!
Christopher Titus
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If you ask my dad for help... he'll help. Like a vulture helps an over-run armadillo on a Texas highway. One peck at the time.
Christopher Titus
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A lie is a lie... unless your friends and family are in on it. Then it's a commonly held belief.
Christopher Titus
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My dad don't like lies. He says it hurts people in the long race. He prefers the truth. That hurts them instantly.
Christopher Titus
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Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a failed jobs program.
Christopher Titus
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There's two approved methods for getting a pedicure for a guy. Number one, you use your own grinder or... You have an eighteen year-old Vietnamese girl rub your feet and call you Joe and that's it!
Christopher Titus
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In my family, goodness is just badness before its had something to drink.
Christopher Titus
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Vengeance, is good. You give it, you get it. It's all part of what makes us human. So thank god for vengeance. Otherwise, the human race might as well just roll over and let another species for a while. I think it will be the cats. Watch 'em. They're cooking up something.
Christopher Titus
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I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.
Christopher Titus
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The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.
Christopher Titus
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Whenever you're pissed off, just remember that it's better than being pissed on.
Christopher Titus
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If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.
Christopher Titus