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If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.
Christopher Titus
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Christopher Titus
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: October 1
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Christopher Todd Titus
First
Skydiving
Drag
Racing
Philosophical
Succeed
Philosophy
Firsts
More quotes by Christopher Titus
My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is not holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference. When I got sick around him as a kid growing up, he'd always warm me up a shot of 100 proof whiskey. Never got sick... that I can remember.
Christopher Titus
Many massacres have happened when people yell surprise! Pearl Harbor. The Tet Offensive. My uncle's 50th birthday party. I was there, man! How many more people gotta die?
Christopher Titus
Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.
Christopher Titus
A lie is a lie... unless your friends and family are in on it. Then it's a commonly held belief.
Christopher Titus
Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.
Christopher Titus
My random acts of violence weren't random. They were premeditated.
Christopher Titus
My father never missed a drink in his life. Or a joint. Or a party. Or a chance to get laid. He also never missed a day of work, or a house payment, or a car payment. I never went hungry, although he did a couple of times so I wouldn't.
Christopher Titus
I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.
Christopher Titus
Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.
Christopher Titus
In a normal family, a surprise means presents, cake and a party. For me ? I had no idea. And my family, doing something nice is seen as an attack. When I was nine, I 'attacked' my father with a fathers day gift. A visor organiser for his car, because it was useful. And it rhymed. Visor. Organiser. I was nine.
Christopher Titus
My dad invented road rage. He wasn't the first guy to get mad in the car, but he was first guy to get mad enough to make the paper.
Christopher Titus
I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.
Christopher Titus
The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.
Christopher Titus
And one more thing I want to be clear about - I know who I am. I am just a very thin layer of charming with some funny sprinkles wrapped around a huge creamy center of raging arrogant a-hole. I got it.
Christopher Titus
My father was on the Alcoholics Anonymous wishlist. My mother was on... parole. And lithium.
Christopher Titus
When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. Some say, it's the only time we're perfect. You're also born covered in blood and placenta. No one gets nostalgic about that.
Christopher Titus
Everyone should think for themselves. I learned that in a book I bought called 'Everyone Should Think For Themselves'.
Christopher Titus
If you're a racist, right now, in 2011... You just look like a retard, man.
Christopher Titus
The day I'm in England performing, English security let a man in a Batman suit climb Buckingham Palace. I felt so much safer... Batman was on the wall of Buckingham Palace for five hours. Wouldn't happen in America - three minutes: dead Batman.
Christopher Titus
I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest. And that's why it feels like we are polarized.
Christopher Titus
