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This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?
Christopher Moore
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Christopher Moore
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: January 1
Actor
Assistant Director
Journalist
Novelist
Radio Dj
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Toledo
Ohio
Fire
Called
Backed
Help
Toilet
Helping
Toilets
Men
Attracted
Thinking
Department
Asking
Weak
More quotes by Christopher Moore
Action based on hope just felt better than the paralysis of certainty.
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Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.
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So Now You're Death: Here's What You'll Need
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The bat was looking at Theo and Theo was having trouble following his own thoughts.The bat was wearing tiny sunglasses.Ray Bans,Theo could see by the trademark in the corner of one lens.I'm sorry, Mr.,uh- Case, could you take the bat off your head.It's very distracting. Him. Pardon? It's a him.Roberto.He no like the light.
Christopher Moore
Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.
Christopher Moore
Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess
Christopher Moore
It's like time travel only, you know, slower.
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I've won Satan's lottery.
Christopher Moore
Routine feeds the illusion of safety.
Christopher Moore
He was a writer and words were his weapons.
Christopher Moore
Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.
Christopher Moore
The gourney, the big file drawers of the dead, the instruments of dissection - this sure looked like the morgues in the movies. Something had gone seriously wrong while she slept.
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Ack! Parables. I hate parables.
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Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers? Mrs. Ling: Could be . . . . You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.
Christopher Moore
All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.
Christopher Moore
People always stay the age that they died at. My big brother died of leukemia when I was six. He was eight. Now when I think of him, he's always eight, and he's still my big brother. He never changes, and the part of me that remembers him never changes.
Christopher Moore
Normally if I met a guy who was unemployed and illiterate who hadn't bathed in a couple of weeks, I'd be standing in a puddle with excitement, but I'm sort of in a bad mood tonight, so take this bag and give me the fu**ing paper before I pop your head like a zit. He said, you're a lesbian, aren't you?
Christopher Moore
It's Christmas! Ah, Christmas, the time when all good people go about not decapitating each other.
Christopher Moore
Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk
Christopher Moore
I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together and make me finish in front of everyone.
Christopher Moore
