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Theophilus Crowe's mobile phone played eight bars of Tangled Up in Blue in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan.

Christopher Moore

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Christopher Moore
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: January 1
Actor
Assistant Director
Journalist
Novelist
Radio Dj
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Toledo
Ohio
Well
Bars
Choir
Like
Phones
Sounded
Eight
Electronic
Played
Bob
Huffing
Blue
Mobile
Crowe
Suffering
Cricket
Helium
Voice
Dylan
Tangled
Wells
Phone
Irritating

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I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.
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I know that even now, having watched enough television, you probably won't even refer to them as lepers so as to spare their feelings. You probably call them 'parts-dropping-off challenged' or something.
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That's a horrible plan. Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that.
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She's evil. Evil, evil, evil. I want to see her naked.
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Do we look like thrill-seekers? Wasn't it enough that we had to put up that sign reading NO HABLA ESPANOL and acknowledge the existence of thirty percent of the population, even in the negative?
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So Now You're Death: Here's What You'll Need
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Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.
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I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together and make me finish in front of everyone.
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Life is an irritation.
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. . . And so Charlie Asher . . . led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.
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One of them hissed-not the hiss of a cat, a long, steady tone-more like the hiss of air escaping the rubber raft that is all that lies between you and a dark sea full of sharks, the hiss of your life leaking out at the seams.
Christopher Moore
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People always stay the age that they died at. My big brother died of leukemia when I was six. He was eight. Now when I think of him, he's always eight, and he's still my big brother. He never changes, and the part of me that remembers him never changes.
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Don't bruise the Foo!
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We know there's going to be nothing but pain, but we go back again and again.
Christopher Moore
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The Angel Gabriel disappeared once for sixty years and they found him on earth hiding in the body of a man named Miles Davis.
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Chapter 8, Dinner With the Vampire: Is there something wrong with your food? No, I'm just not very hungry. You're going to break my heart, aren't you?
Christopher Moore
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All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.
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Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs? -Tommy
Christopher Moore
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Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.
Christopher Moore
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The prospect of change is a many-fanged beast, my dear.
Christopher Moore