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I fink I gots deaf on me willie.

Christopher Moore

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Christopher Moore
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: January 1
Actor
Assistant Director
Journalist
Novelist
Radio Dj
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Toledo
Ohio
Deaf
Gots
Willie

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Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk
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Chapter 8, Dinner With the Vampire: Is there something wrong with your food? No, I'm just not very hungry. You're going to break my heart, aren't you?
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I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together and make me finish in front of everyone.
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She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.
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Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.
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Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.
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It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer. . .a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.
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Theophilus Crowe's mobile phone played eight bars of Tangled Up in Blue in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan.
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An adventure story is fear recalled in comfort.
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Life is an irritation.
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Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.
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He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.
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Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics?
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The value of the work we do is the value we give to it.
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This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?
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What is your name? asked Lear. Caius, said Kent. And whence do you hail? From Bonking, sire. Well, yes, lad, as do we all, said Lear, but from what town?
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Routine feeds the illusion of safety.
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That's a horrible plan. Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that.
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It was sometimes difficult to reconcile a man's talents with his personality.
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All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.
Christopher Moore