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She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.

Christopher Moore

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Christopher Moore
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: January 1
Actor
Assistant Director
Journalist
Novelist
Radio Dj
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Toledo
Ohio
Really
Machine
Machines
Species
Eating
Pooping
Sort
Tantrum
Understand
Tantrums
Didn
Alien
Anything
Aliens

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Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the room, then gone with the light.
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Chapter 8, Dinner With the Vampire: Is there something wrong with your food? No, I'm just not very hungry. You're going to break my heart, aren't you?
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The bat was looking at Theo and Theo was having trouble following his own thoughts.The bat was wearing tiny sunglasses.Ray Bans,Theo could see by the trademark in the corner of one lens.I'm sorry, Mr.,uh- Case, could you take the bat off your head.It's very distracting. Him. Pardon? It's a him.Roberto.He no like the light.
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Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.
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And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.
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If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.
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I've seen more intelligence in the crotch lice of harem whores.
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Enchantment and seduction were fine means of persuasion, but when time is short, an awkward but quick concussion could better serve a girl's purpose.
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Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.
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People, generally, suck.
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She's evil. Evil, evil, evil. I want to see her naked.
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He always had a problem with the purity of others. Never his own.
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I wanted a trumpet concerto that reflected Native American music because, well, there aren't any. I looked around for one but couldn't find anything. So it's a wide-open field.
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Life is loneliness, broken only by the gods taunting us with friendship and the odd bonk
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This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?
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. . . And so Charlie Asher . . . led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.
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The problem with being nuts, she thought, is that you don't always feel as if you're nuts. Sometimes, in fact, you feel perfectly sane, and there just happens to be a trailer-shaped dragon crouching in the lot next door.
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Only by being prepared for your death can you ever truly live.
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Which is why you chose to wear that delightful ensemble from the skank-wear collection at Hoes-n-Thangs? -Tommy
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I like a girl with a substantial bottom,' said Renoir, drawing in the air the size bottom he preferred.
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