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She's so small, yet she contains so much evil.

Christopher Moore

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Christopher Moore
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: January 1
Actor
Assistant Director
Journalist
Novelist
Radio Dj
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Toledo
Ohio
Contains
Small
Evil
Much

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Nothing evokes the prurient like puritanism.
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One of them hissed-not the hiss of a cat, a long, steady tone-more like the hiss of air escaping the rubber raft that is all that lies between you and a dark sea full of sharks, the hiss of your life leaking out at the seams.
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Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.
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I could stand on my head and flick the bean right there at the dinner table and my mom would be all, Honey, Christmas is family time, we should be together and make me finish in front of everyone.
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You're trying to be tricky. What's morality? It's the difference between what's right and what you can rationalize. Must be a human thing. Exactly.
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Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.
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It's very difficult to stay angry when a room full of bald guys in orange robes start giggling. Buddhism.
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I wanted a trumpet concerto that reflected Native American music because, well, there aren't any. I looked around for one but couldn't find anything. So it's a wide-open field.
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Charlie Asher: Mrs. Ling, is that duck wearing trousers? Mrs. Ling: Could be . . . . You hear of paper-wrap chicken? This duck in pants.
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She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.
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If they'd been dogs, they would have all been in the yard eating grass and trying to yak up whatever was making them feel so lousy. Not a bone gnawed, not a ball chased-all tails went unwagged. Oh, life is a fast cat, a short leash, a flea in that place where you just can't scratch.
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I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.
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Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.
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She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.
Christopher Moore
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Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk
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Enchantment and seduction were fine means of persuasion, but when time is short, an awkward but quick concussion could better serve a girl's purpose.
Christopher Moore
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Chapter 8, Dinner With the Vampire: Is there something wrong with your food? No, I'm just not very hungry. You're going to break my heart, aren't you?
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He wanted her to experience all the glorious cheese of life.
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It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer. . .a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.
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He was a writer and words were his weapons.
Christopher Moore