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I've won Satan's lottery.

Christopher Moore

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Christopher Moore
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: January 1
Actor
Assistant Director
Journalist
Novelist
Radio Dj
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Toledo
Ohio
Lottery
Satan

More quotes by Christopher Moore

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I am convinced by the events of the last few weeks that nefarious forces of people--unidentified but no less real--are threatening life as we know it, and in fact, may be bent on unraveling the very fabric of our existence.
Christopher Moore
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That's a horrible plan. Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that.
Christopher Moore
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She's evil. Evil, evil, evil. I want to see her naked.
Christopher Moore
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Then someone started pounding on the door. And not a little Hey, what's up? pound. Like there was a big sale on door pounds down at the Pound Outlet. Buy one, get one free at Pounds-n-Stuff. --Being the Journal of Abby Normal
Christopher Moore
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. . . And so Charlie Asher . . . led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.
Christopher Moore
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I think I'm what they call a never-was.
Christopher Moore
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. . . You seem upset, Charlie. Is something wrong? Charlie: No, no, I’m okay, I just had to take directions from a mute beaver in a fez to get here, it’s unsettling.
Christopher Moore
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Diogenes carried a bowl with him for years, but one day saw a man drinking from his cupped palm and declared, ‘I have been a fool, burdened all these years by the weight of a bowl when a perfectly good vessel lay at the end of my wrist.
Christopher Moore
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Nobody's perfect... Well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.
Christopher Moore
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Everyone is happier if they have someone else to look down on, as well as someone to look up to, especially if they resent both.
Christopher Moore
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Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess
Christopher Moore
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Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.
Christopher Moore
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And an inky-colored despair of rejection enveloped me like the black tortilla of depression around a pain burrito.
Christopher Moore
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This Roberto. He no like the light.
Christopher Moore
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Last time I really got to know myself it turned out there was a whole gang of bitches in there to deal with. I felt like the receptionist at a rehab center. They all had nice tits though, I gotta say.
Christopher Moore
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You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems.
Christopher Moore
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Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say attaboy.
Christopher Moore
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He had risked his freedom and his pride to buy her this, to acknowledge that part of her that everyone else seemed to want to get rid of.
Christopher Moore
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The netherworld is timeless and unchanging, and boring -- much like a doctor's waiting room.
Christopher Moore
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She doesn't understand that a writer is a special creature--that I'm different from everyone else. I'm not saying I'm superior to other people, just more sensitive, I guess.
Christopher Moore