Quote

. . . You seem upset, Charlie. Is something wrong? Charlie: No, no, I’m okay, I just had to take directions from a mute beaver in a fez to get here, it’s unsettling.

Christopher Moore

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Christopher Moore
Age: 68
Born: 1957
Born: January 1
Actor
Assistant Director
Journalist
Novelist
Radio Dj
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Toledo
Ohio
Take
Mute
Something
Directions
Charlie
Upset
Okay
Seem
Beaver
Wrong
Beavers
Seems
Unsettling

More quotes by Christopher Moore

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You're trying to be tricky. What's morality? It's the difference between what's right and what you can rationalize. Must be a human thing. Exactly.
Christopher Moore
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Confucius is like the Torah, rules to follow. And Lao-Tzu is even more conservative, saying that if you do nothing you won't break any rules. You have to let tradition fall sometime, you have to take action, you have to eat bacon.
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I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.
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The pursuit of material gain is ultimately empty when measured against eternity.
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So Now You're Death: Here's What You'll Need
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The angel has confided in me that he is going to ask the Lord if he can become Spider-Man. [...] The children need heroes, he says. I think he just wants to swing from buildings in tight red jammies.
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All fear comes from trying to see the future, Biff. If you know what is coming, you aren't afraid.
Christopher Moore
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I've won Satan's lottery.
Christopher Moore
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Tommy had felt alone in a crowd before, even inferior to everyone in a crowd, but now he felt, well, different. It wasn't just the clothes and the make up, it was the humanity. He wasn't part of it. Heightened senses or not, he felt like he had his nose pressed against the window, looking in. The problem was, it was the window of a donut shop.
Christopher Moore
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If you think anyone is sane you just don't know enough about them.
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Theophilus Crowe's mobile phone played eight bars of Tangled Up in Blue in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan.
Christopher Moore
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She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.
Christopher Moore
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...she is too beautiful, I think, to not be inherently evil.
Christopher Moore
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He invented Kung Fu when translated to English means method by which short, bald guys can kick the bejeezus out of you.
Christopher Moore
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Ack! Parables. I hate parables.
Christopher Moore
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If they'd been dogs, they would have all been in the yard eating grass and trying to yak up whatever was making them feel so lousy. Not a bone gnawed, not a ball chased-all tails went unwagged. Oh, life is a fast cat, a short leash, a flea in that place where you just can't scratch.
Christopher Moore
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That's a horrible plan. Yes, but I have chosen to ignore that.
Christopher Moore
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Like God's own chocolate, I'd lick her shadow off a hot sidewalk
Christopher Moore
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They want to be tied up, I tie them up. They want to be spanked, I spank them. They want to be called names, I call them names. But try and drink a little of their blood, and they scream like babies. What about my needs?
Christopher Moore
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It's like time travel only, you know, slower.
Christopher Moore