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Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.

Christopher Moore

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Christopher Moore
Age: 68
Born: 1957
Born: January 1
Actor
Assistant Director
Journalist
Novelist
Radio Dj
Science Fiction Writer
Writer
Toledo
Ohio
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Ribbons
Garland
Pine
Ribbon
Doom
Crept
Reeking
Threatening
Festive
Cove
Bells
Garlands
Sleigh
Christmas
Creeping
Sleighs
Cold
Dragging
Oozing
Thing
Sore
Mistletoe

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Boredom can be a lethal thing on a small island.
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Theophilus Crowe's mobile phone played eight bars of Tangled Up in Blue in an irritating electronic voice that sounded like a choir of suffering houseflies, or Jiminy Cricket huffing helium, or, well, you know, Bob Dylan.
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Not unlike the toaster, I control darkness.
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Marry for love, stay married, and raise happy children who are quick to laugh and slow to judge.
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One of them hissed-not the hiss of a cat, a long, steady tone-more like the hiss of air escaping the rubber raft that is all that lies between you and a dark sea full of sharks, the hiss of your life leaking out at the seams.
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This is the man who called the fire department when the toilet backed up, and I'm asking him for help. What was I thinking? Why am I attracted to weak men?
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When I teach seminars, I tell people, Your stuff has to look like something thats out there, because otherwise nobody will take a chance on you.
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Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say attaboy.
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What this movie needs is more brain eating zombies.
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I was seven before I realized that you could eat breakfast with your pants on.
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She's evil. Evil, evil, evil. I want to see her naked.
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They want to be tied up, I tie them up. They want to be spanked, I spank them. They want to be called names, I call them names. But try and drink a little of their blood, and they scream like babies. What about my needs?
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I fear you may become a lonely man, even in the company of others.
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People, generally, suck.
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She was an alien, really - a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine - and he didn't understand anything about her species.
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Stephenie Meyer: Her vampires are sparkly, which I think we can all agree is wrong.
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You were supposed to empathize with your friend's problem, but they were, after all, your friend's problems.
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I like a girl with a substantial bottom,' said Renoir, drawing in the air the size bottom he preferred.
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Life is loneliness, broken only by the gods taunting us with friendship and the odd bonk
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. . . And so Charlie Asher . . . led an army of fourteen-inch-tall bundles of animal bits, armed with everything from knitting needles to a spork, into the storm sewers of San Fransciso.
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