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I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg.

Christian Finnegan

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Christian Finnegan
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: April 1
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Albany
New York
Fletcher Christian Finnegan
Thinking
Like
Whoopi
Goldberg
Says
Speak
America
Nothing
Think

More quotes by Christian Finnegan

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Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.
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Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.
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If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be myself, rather than playing a wacky neighbor. Although, I would gladly play a wacky neighbor of any sort.
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Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.
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Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.
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I had no choice but to make me as a comedian, because I am not particularly gifted with a lot of marketable skills. Unless I really want to spend the rest of my life temping, or teaching drama to third-graders, I don't have a lot of other options - which is freeing, in a way. I never have to say, Well, I could always go back to law school.
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The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.
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Canada, or as i call them, America Light.
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I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.
Christian Finnegan
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I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.
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America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.
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You know what I'm great at? Trivial Pursuit. What good is that gonna do you in life? It has the word 'trivial' in the name. The game is basically telling you that you pursue trivial things. Trivial - as in not important. Trivial - as in maybe you should've gone to grad school.
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Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I always wanted that hour special on cable.
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Do me a favor, guys. Don't drink so much that you become the guy that goes into the bathroom and moans while taking a leak. See, the women in the room, they might not know what we're talking about every dude knows.
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I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.
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There are two kinds of intelligence in this world. People who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart... If you're starting your own business, don't even talk to me. But If you need to know who the lead singer of Kajagoogoo is, I'm your guy. His name is Limahl, by the way.
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If I could go back and talk to the me who was just starting to do comedy, I would have told myself to relax and not worry about things happening right away. That's a mistake a lot of people make - they think a year is a long time and it's really not.
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I'm working on something a little different. It's a technique I call, 'tantric abstinence.' Now, the way this works is I meet a woman, I charm the heck out of her, and then right as she's considering sleeping with me, I say something so awkward that she leaves and I have to start over again with another woman entirely.
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What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So if I ever have a car alarm - if I ever have a car - it's just going to be a big speaker on the back of my car. And when anybody tries to break in, it's just gonna go: Attention! Free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed!
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I joined a gym recently. I don't have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this time's gonna be different. I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either I'll get into shape, or I'll just resign myself to paying an $85 a month fat tax.
Christian Finnegan