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Relationships are a lot like yard sales. They look really fun from a couple hundred feet away, but eventually you realize it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.

Christian Finnegan

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Christian Finnegan
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: April 1
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Albany
New York
Fletcher Christian Finnegan
Really
Fun
Yards
Like
Feet
Crap
Realizing
Eventually
Away
Bunch
Look
Relationships
Looks
Hundred
Need
Couple
Yard
Needs
Realize
Sales

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I'm not an alcoholic. I just drink that way.
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The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.
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I joined a gym recently. I don't have the best history in the world of sticking with my fitness regimens, but I feel like this time's gonna be different. I figure one of two things is gonna happen: either I'll get into shape, or I'll just resign myself to paying an $85 a month fat tax.
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Basically Britney Spears' video is like a three an a half minute version of Glitter.
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If the right opportunity came along, maybe, but I'm more focused on trying to create a TV show where I can be myself, rather than playing a wacky neighbor. Although, I would gladly play a wacky neighbor of any sort.
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America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.
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Canada, or as i call them, America Light.
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I'm working on something a little different. It's a technique I call, 'tantric abstinence.' Now, the way this works is I meet a woman, I charm the heck out of her, and then right as she's considering sleeping with me, I say something so awkward that she leaves and I have to start over again with another woman entirely.
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I think I speak for America when I say, nothing says NASCAR like Whoopi Goldberg.
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I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.
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Jesus is a powerful guy in Hollywood. Not quite as powerful as Vin Diesel, but powerful.
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There are two kinds of intelligence in this world. People who are Monopoly smart and people who are Trivial Pursuit smart... If you're starting your own business, don't even talk to me. But If you need to know who the lead singer of Kajagoogoo is, I'm your guy. His name is Limahl, by the way.
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Basically, I got into stand-up because I'm too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.
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Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I always wanted that hour special on cable.
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Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.
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I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.
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What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So if I ever have a car alarm - if I ever have a car - it's just going to be a big speaker on the back of my car. And when anybody tries to break in, it's just gonna go: Attention! Free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed!
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If you refuse to see Superman Returns this summer, what you're saying about yourself is: I heart Al Qaeda.
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There's something so awesome about being able to get up in front of a microphone and do exactly what you want. Stand-up is as close as you're ever going to get to being 100 percent in control of a situation artistically, and I don't understand why people wouldn't want to keep doing that.
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You know what I'm great at? Trivial Pursuit. What good is that gonna do you in life? It has the word 'trivial' in the name. The game is basically telling you that you pursue trivial things. Trivial - as in not important. Trivial - as in maybe you should've gone to grad school.
Christian Finnegan